Feeling hopeless

[DouglasW]

I'm wanting to post to try to reach out. I wish someone would understand, offer me some hope or help.

I'm middle aged, have no job, no family, and no friends. Zero close ties to anyone. I had built a career and was married and had friends and then horrible traumas and losses knocked me down, I have not been able to work, on disability for PTSD. My wife left me, parents died, don't have other living family. I keep making connections in recent years only to lose them to fallings out or drifting apart. My closest friend I'd made died of an overdose.

I'm getting depressed just writing this. There's no way to convey all the things I am, all I've seen and done in my life. No way anyone could meaningfully tell me why I'm worth hanging on for or if I'm some terrible person who loses everyone for good reasons. I'm just struggling so much with total isolation combined with a deepening belief that I can never heal childhood trauma enough to learn how to form lots of connections and therefore feel in the world, connected, supported. I feel I'm doomed to live alone as a hermit until eventually running out of savings and being homeless, or maybe descending into worse mental health like more chronic mania or psychosis and end up living in some horrible state run hospital.

I am very intelligent and compassionate and have many talents but none of that seems to ever translate into just feeling I belong and can fit in with others.

I'm so sad and scared.

 

[Kiwi2016]

So sorry that you are struggling so much right now but please take to heart that you do matter and that you aren't alone as we are all here. Sending you hugs.

 

[KindaOtiose]

I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated at the moment. I wonder if you could try and join some local clubs. That could be a good way to try and connect with people. In the meantime, you can continue to share here, where you aren't alone. Sending hugs .

 

[may71]

I'm middle aged, have no job, no family, and no friends. Zero close ties to anyone. I had built a career and was married and had friends and then horrible traumas and losses knocked me down, I have not been able to work, on disability for PTSD. My wife left me, parents died, don't have other living family. I keep making connections in recent years only to lose them to fallings out or drifting apart. My closest friend I'd made died of an overdose.

All of that is awful. I'm sorry. You mentioned Andi in an earlier thread, was it her?

I am very intelligent and compassionate and have many talents but none of that seems to ever translate into just feeling I belong and can fit in with others.

Intelligent and creative people often struggle with isolation as well as mental health issues.

if I'm some terrible person who loses everyone for good reasons

I don't think you're a terrible person. People tend to be attracted to others who are going to do something for them, or benefit them in some way. People who are struggling tend to get shunned. That's not your fault, it's just that people aren't as giving or as selfless as they ought to be most of the time.

eventually running out of savings and being homeless

There might be some place that you could move to that might help stretch your disability benefits further.

I think you can also get help from vocational rehabilitation in finding work, and you're allowed to do a certain amount of work and still keep your disability benefits. You're an amazing artist, so maybe you get some income from that. Plenty of other things too.

I wonder if there's some kind of artist community that you could live in.

You might want to check out the link in my signature for some information about treatment methods, especially the alternative and self-help methods.

Wishing you good things

 

[Legate Lanius]

I advocate for distracting yourself as much as you can and perhaps trying mediation/prayer/exercise or something.

 

[Anne74]

Doug I have spoken to you in the chat group and I'm glad that you are reaching out. Don't give up on yourself there is still hope. I believe that you have a purpose. Sending hugs and love . Any time you want to chat just message me. Remember you are important and you do matter. Xxxx

 

[DouglasW]

I'm such a hopeless loser. Thanks people for kind words

 

[Pebble mouse]

You come across as a kind soul, @DouglasW. I have never talked to you, but if you want, you can msg me. Many of us here care for you, and i don't think of you as hopeless or a loser. Take care, and (((hugs))).

 

[KM76710]

I agree with Pebble Mouse, and do not see you as a hopeless loser for the reason put up above.

 

[may71]

I'm such a hopeless loser

You're not a loser. You're an extremely intelligent, creative, talented, caring person. You've just got a set of problems that goes along with being all of those good things.

Thanks people for kind words

You're welcome!