feeling hopeless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by inspireme, Jan 16, 2011.

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  1. inspireme

    inspireme New Member

    I have been living with depression since I was a teenager. Things were better in my 20s and early thirties, but it has been downhill since. I am now 45 and my life is a dissapointment. I never married and my longest relationship was about a month about 11 years ago. I have struggled with weight issues my entire life, now morbidly obese (it hurts and is shameful to write that) and I also have alcohol abuse issues. Fortunately I have a decent job working with the elderly which can be rewarding, but recently had some job reassignment which makes me feel like I've been demoted. Things got bad this summer and I ended up hospitalized and in partial hospitalization due to feeling very suicidal. It was better for a couple of months but now I am back to feeling suicidal and drinking. I see a psychologist who I like but am very frustrated with the fact that I don't want to stop drinking and am self sabatoging. I feel like it is all my fault that I continue to feel so depressed. I am very hopeless that I will ever get better because I just don't have what it takes to make the effort to do things to improve my situation. I have what I hope are xxxx to be able to kill myself and my xxxx and it should do the job. My last session with my therapist was just horrible because I feel like I can't do anything cognitively to change my thoughts and I feel like I am such a disappointment and untreatable. I don't have friends and my family doesn't know what to do to help me and I know I worry my mom. My new years resolution was to kill myself in 2011. It just helps to let someone know how I feel.
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad

    I'm glad that you posted here!

    if you are finding that therapy is not helpful, you may want to try a different therapist, maybe group therapy?

    do you think that you would want to go to an aa meeting? I think that they have a "higher power" theme in the program, and I think that turns a lot of people off because of the religious ideas, but I think that some people like aa for quitting drinking
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hey. Welcome to SF. I think that you should make your new years resolution to lose some weight instead of killing yourself. Being morbidly obese is very unhealthy and takes years off your life. Set some goals, like losing weight and avoiding alcohol. Don't give up. :hug:
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I wish I could help more than this... but... when it comes to relationships... well why don't you try something new? In my case I am taking a bit more of a scienctific approach to it. I have a book on the psychological process for attracting a female and building a relationship. The book is very contrary to what I believed. However, what I was doing was getting me nothing, so how much worse could it be to try something new? Plenty of torrents out there that will get you these books.

    As for the alcohol abuse... sorry I cannot really help you. Alcohol is very destructive to your body. After all it is technically a neruotoxin. I bet if you forced yourself to stop drinking you would have an easier time losing weight.

    Instead of killing yourself, why don't you make your new years resolution to try a different walk of life?
  5. inspireme

    inspireme New Member

    I'm not stupid, I know that what I am doing to myself is unhealthy. I just don't care. Please don't make this about my weight, it is very shameful for me and makes me feel worse.
  6. WishICould

    WishICould Well-Known Member

    Am sorry you feel like you do, I hope the feelings pass real soon.
    Please do not take this the wrong way, I'm not one to critisize, it's simply food for thought.
    Exercise may increase the endorphins in your body. It works for me and works for many, many others too.
    Half an hour of fast walking either on a treadmill or around a park etc may really help you to feel happier. Also, a balanced diet with the right kinds of food will make you feel healthier, which too will make you feel better about yourself and within yourself.
    Alcohol will only make you feel worse. When you feel bad enough that you no longer want to continue feeling that way, then perhaps you will consider not drinking. I have seen what alcohol can do to an individual and a family. I do understand, honestly.
    I truly hope you do feel better soon.
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Not caring is a good step to take friend. Why not focus that energy on learning how to meet women?
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