Feeling hopeless.

Not getting taken seriously by doctors/psychiatrists still, about anything I'm going through. Depression gets worse every year, and it's started again for this year's round. Since discovering my alters I don't have a friggin' clue who I actually am anymore. I don't know what feelings are mine and which aren't. And when you're flooded by the type of feelings I am tonight, and trust me they're pretty bad feelings, I just feel hopeless. I really wish I knew if they were my feelings or not. I don't think they are because it would be near impossible for feelings like this to not be present 360/365 days of the year and then just appear strongly as if they were never gone. But then again I can't be sure.

It's not fair that if these feelings aren't mine that I should have to put up with them. And even if they are mine they make no sense. I've been having strong urges to cut and thoughts of death, worse than in quite a while. Not sure if this is my depression back or just overwhelming of negative feelings that I'm finding it difficult to cope with. Sigh. Worse is knowing that I'm going to be going to my GP on Tuesday to hear that I'm probably not going to be allowed to see anyone about any of this. Because that's just my luck.

Kaz x

 

I really feel your pain.. I'm borderline skyzophrenic and I thought i had it bad.. Haveing dual personalities has to be scarey..If your GP won't refer you then you call a shrink yourself and make an appointment.. Call someone new..There has to be a reason this is happening..Please don't self harm it doesn't do any good and your left with the scars..I had to read your thread twice.. I couldn't beleive what I read the first time..Please seek the help yourself if things don't happen when you see your GP..