Feeling Horrible. [May Trigger]

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by iKarma, May 29, 2009.

  1. iKarma

    iKarma Well-Known Member

    I feel horrible! I feel Guilty, and I feel ashamed. I cut for the first time in 5 months, and I feel like I want to do it again. I have auditory hallucinations and the damn thing tricked me into cutting my wrist again! I shouldn't have done it. I need to go to the hospital but they turned me away. I can't tell people what is really happening because I am embarrassed and the voice won't allow me. I am terrified of myself and the voice. I want to die because I don't want it taking over me anymore. Why did the hospital turn me away! My psych is gone, my family doctor is gone. I have no where else to go.
     
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    First of all it's not your fault.

    Voices must be very scary.

    Did you tell the people at the hospital about the voices? Why did they turn you away?
     
  3. iKarma

    iKarma Well-Known Member

    Well I was recently let out of the hospital about 3 weeks ago. And they know about the voices. I spoke with a psychiatrist who said it is paranoid schizophrenia most likely, but they couldn't admit me because the psych ward was full.

    And tonight I had another paranoid attack, which ended better than last night. At least I didn't cut myself this time :D