Feeling inferior and inadequate

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Jul 23, 2015.

  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I can't help but take things personally, even when I know I shouldn't. My therapist said I should smile and say hello to people, to just be friendly. A friend from group told me I should hold my head up, smile and look confident. These are good tips, and I put them to good use. But it seems like every time they don't work, I feel even more discouraged than before. Being such a shy person, it is hard for me to initiate a conversation, especially with a stranger. I said hi to someone today, and smiled at them as I was passing them. They seemed to just look right through me. Am I that ugly, do I have a creepy smile, what is it? I don't usually greet people who seem too preoccupied or unfriendly. But even so, if the person does look friendly, there still is a 50% chance they will not return my greeting. It just makes me want to close off even more, even when I shouldn't feel that way.

    Another thing that happened today was when I went to check out at a store. The cashier and a customer were talking, oblivious to me standing there. I was waiting until they were done, but they kept talking while I kept waiting. But I thought it would be rude of me to interrupt. I feel like in cases like that, I am not important enough to be noticed. Like I should just wait because my feelings are not worth anyone's time. I feel rejected in some ways when things like this keep happening. Mostly I feel invisible, like I should just fade away. Has anyone else ever felt like this, and how do you deal with it? I wish I could just get over it, but being such a sensitive person, it is hard for me to just not care.
  2. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    I'm really sorry you feel this way dear.

    Over 50% i don't awnser to casual greetings, either i am sad or my mind is busy. Don't take this personal. I understand how you feel because when i long for human contacts and i get ignored i feel rejected too but really it does' nt mean much.

    What really mather is the contact with the people who know us. It not easy to create bonds but it's what we must work on.

    Take care :hug
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Thank you :) It does help if I look at it from that perspective. I guess I am used to people disliking me or not wanting to be around me, so it's hard not to take it personally, but I have to try and work on that.
  4. writeanything

    writeanything Member

    This is probably a late reply, but I want to say I totally get you! I'm an introvert, so I find it hard to initiate conversation or make new friends. Social skills aren't my thing. It's been a problem in university of course, having to do presentations, I'm not even confident enough for public speaking. So awkward conversations are typical for me. I can't say it gets better, not yet for me at least, but I've gotten used to it.
    I think smile or small talk is enough for strangers, but try being with your friends more. I don't know if its the same with you but with my friends I'm not shy or quiet, actually I'm the opposite. I'm sure you're friends will encourage you and bring out the best in you too! :)
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I hate public speaking too, I hate having that much attention focused on me in case I look awkward or screw up. I seem to feel the same in social situations. I do try to spend as much time with my friends as possible, I usually see them on Tuesdays in a group that we are in, but sometimes I see them outside of that. They are the only friends I have, but they are great friends. I try to make new ones, they say I can talk to them anytime, but they just say it not to be rude. People usually leave once they realize how uninteresting I am. I tend to blame myself for whatever goes wrong and don't know how to do otherwise. Thank you for your advice, it's been helpful, and I hope it gets easier for you too :)
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi hun,

    I smile at everyone with my shiny lipgloss lol, some people look through me, others like im nuts and the ones I do it for the friendly ones smile back. I was brought up with great manners and to always be friendly, that is just the way it was. In my opinion, keep going, a smile costs nothing and believe it or not can make someones day, doesn't it make you happier when people smile? yup, so vice versa.

    As for the cashier, perhaps they were friends or were talking about something important or just rude. Ignore it hun, just be yourself and good things will happen because you are a lovely person :)
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah, I have always had good manners too, and been a nice person, but people tend to take advantage of that or think I am a weak willed person. But I wouldn't be mean either, so I guess people will always treat me that way. I don't think I am a lovely person or that I deserve great things, but thank you, that was nice of you to say :) I wish the same for you.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I completely agree, that is exactly why I was bullied, I was too nice but in the end you are the winner not them scumbags that take advantage of nice people. Don't change for anyone, just be yourself and you'll set yourself free :)

    p.s You are a lovely person,anyone that thinks otherwise doesn't know what they are talking about.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 2, 2015
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Thank you, it's just hard to see that when I always get put down and treated badly. But maybe I am not as bad as other people say. I won't change no matter what people do to me.
  10. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Witty, like you, in the past I become the butt of all jokes. It hurts when people think it's fine to joke or criticise you. If I have upset someone I try to apologise and if not I walk away crying in my heart. Sometimes, you cannot change people opinion of you but try to learn from the experience. It reminds me of a story when a lady barges into another woman for no reason. The offending person walks away and the other person feels upset. The upset person starts to curse the other person and her husband appears to see what the commotion is all about. I stepped into the situation and apologised to the lady on the thirdparty's behalf. I just tried to calm the situation.

    The motto is that you try to be nice but sometimes you have to walk away form social situations where you cannot change others person attitude. You are a wonderful person and never ever doubt yourself.
  11. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Thank you :) I will try to take your advice to heart and not let things get to me so much. It may not be easy but I can give it a try.