Saw an old friend a few nights ago. Saw the look in his eyes when I talked about my life. How quickly he went away, looking over his shoulder as he left. Doesn't feel good. I feel...beyond sick. I am really overwhelmed. Sometimes I feel like things might be ok, but not now. I am really sick of myself. It's like there is just no way to undo all these disturbing things that have happened. Things are really...ruined. The problem is that I have been screwed up and isolated for so long, it is dominating every relationship I have. Every one. Everyone is disgusted. I am disgusted. I can barely identify with myself. What a fucking nightmare.