This week I was rejected from Cambridge. I'm 17 and haven't posted in this forum for 3 years since I became depressed at 14, but this rejection made me realise that all my doubts about being stupid, being a fraud and being a failure were all true. I've spent my whole life with the feeling that grades define my self-esteem and self-worth and I've been a high achiever all throughout school, so this rejection (plus receiving some pretty shitty exam results after sitting the exams whilst my parents were really ill with COVID) has completely floored me. I keep crying in lessons if I get something wrong (on mute and with my camera off of course) and I feel like I've failed myself and my family. This was supposed to be the thing that proved that all my negative thoughts weren't true and that I AM smart, but instead it only proved that Cambridge could see what was so bloody obvious; I am stupid. Today I started self-harming again after 3 years clean and I'm scared of returning to a place in my mind where I just hate everything about myself, unless I'm already there. I know this seems trivial in comparison to real-life problems but lockdown has made me feel worse because of the isolation, plus this is a culmination of years and years thinking that I'm a fraud and an imposter in a school like mine. I don't know what to do.