So, for years I've been unhappy with my life. Then I moved to England and all the dreams and hopes that had died were resurrected. I finally thought I was gonna be happy. Then I got diagnosed with Graves Disease, having to go to the doctors twice per month for two years, it's better now, I only have appointments every 6 months. Afterwards, I was ostracised from my class in college, not to mention the issues I had with my teachers. My hopes and dreams nearly died again, but I had university to look forward to and getting an unconditional offer to my chosen uni, gave me a slight bit of confidence I never felt before. Now that I'm at university I realize how much of an untalented, uninteresting, annoying and absolutely useless attempt of a person I am. I have no skills. I can't draw despite following tutorials and trying my best, my drawing teacher pities me. I was confident on A. Photoshop, but again, I'm not good enough. I don't know how to interact with people, I don't know what to say or how to say and when I do manage to say something it tends to be the wrong thing. I've already managed to make most of my peers despise me and in all honestly I don't blame them, and I'm certain my teachers find me strange and awkward. This was my last attempt at being happy and I completely blew it. I really don't know what to do with myself or with my life at the moment. I have this scalpel I bought for class (I'm in a design course), everytime I see it I just want to use it on myself. But I always manage to stop myself, because I hide it in a place where I can't access without being spotted by my mom and the fear of her realizing that her only child is going to self-harm herself makes me ignore my urges. But things are getting difficult. I don't have friends, I don't have a big family and they see mental health problems as a joke. I tried talking to teachers and doctors before, they said it's just a phase and laughed. So now I'm unable to ask anyone for help. I know my problems are stupid and shallow and you probably hate me already. I just don't know what to do, I really don't want to kill myself so I just want to find a way of feeling better and maybe even be happy.