Feeling Like I'm Done With It

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by UFgators50, Aug 27, 2008.

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  1. UFgators50

    UFgators50 Member

    I'm 19, in my second year of college, and I just feel so empty inside. I changed schools after my freshman year, am a lot closer to home with more friends, and I just feel like I cant talk to anyone. My roommates have pulled a few pranks on me, stuff that I probably shouldnt care about but I've gotten really pissed off each time. For all the shit I've done for them you'd think they wouldnt just be a-holes for no reason. Tonight my roomate told me to "lighten up and laugh", its funny thinking how much hed laugh if I spray painted a bunch of shit on his door then was an a-hole about repainting it.

    Beyond that I just feel like I have no friends and cant relate to anyone. At my former college, I didnt really know anyone and just wasnt able to make any friends at all. I'd like to think I tried my best to succeed(make friends, meet girls, etc) but I guess I just came off wrong. I dont want to come off as a jerk who only cares about myself, I think I've made some damn sacrifices over the past few weeks to help my so called friends out and all I've got is a thanks and they never help me out when I need it.

    I've just really been thinking about taking my life, one of the major reasons I've held off is the love I have for my parents and all they've done for me. I know I sound like the opposite of a typical 19 year old but I'm an only child whos had a great relationship with his parents his whole life.

    If nothing else, I appreciate the opportunity to air my problems out.
  2. Austere Night

    Austere Night Well-Known Member

    Wow. That's a story I can really sympathize with. It's not that my life is particularly bad; in fact, I have some good things going for me. They problem is that I can't enjoy myself while doing anything. Everything I have I'd give up for the peaceful state of death.

    Melancholic depression. It's a branch of the depression tree that denies you feeling of happiness and fulfillment; even with love and doing things you like. I live in Canada, and it's very easy to get problems like this sorted out here. You just call up a local hospital that has a mental health ward and ask for an appointment.

    If you are in the US/elsewhere, I don't know how to help you.
  3. UFgators50

    UFgators50 Member

    I do have some good things going for me and I think I could possibly turn my life around, I just dont know how to do it.

    What really set me off today was after class, my roommates came into my room and starting hassling me about money to paint over my door that they messed up. I pretty much told them it was their responsibility and I wasnt giving them anything, so they then claimed I owed them more money from something else, which isnt true. I was pretty pissed off, then they starting talking more shit about how I'm so cheap and that my parents pay for everything. Never mind that in the past week I've given rides to them multiple times when they've been too drunk to get home and loaned each of them money. I try to be nice and all I get is people being a-holes to me in return.

    I really dont want to discuss this with my parents, I just want to figure out how I can turn my life around and start achieving my goals.
  4. Austere Night

    Austere Night Well-Known Member

    Well you might want to start with your friends. Confront them about what they are doing and act accordingly.
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    No offense but those friends are sooo lame. You can do way better then those guys. You have a future still and i'm sure you can turn things around.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It sounds to me like your so called friends haven't gotten rid of their high school pranks and haven't grown up!! Just curious do they have girlfriends or are they still stuck in party mode?? You don't need friends like that. You are there trying to better yourself. I would look for a studio apt. or a efficientcy with a kitchen and bathroom. I think you would be better off living on your own so you can focus on your studies. Who knows you might even meet someone from the opposite sex who can appreciate that you aren't immature like so many others!! Good Luck and let us know how you make out!!
  7. UFgators50

    UFgators50 Member

    I'm stuck in this apartment for the rest of the year, I'm just gonna try to make the best of things. They like to party just like I do but of course I have to help them out when they mess up or cant get home. I've reached the point where I'm not gonna help them out when they need it, I definitely dont need their help with anything. I've got no problem with them doing some funny shit but spray painting a door doesnt fall under that category. Then I know their messing with me when they claim I spray painted it but I cant help it and get really pissed off when I confront them about it. Its just a bunch of bullshit like that, not to mention I just feel like I have no meaning to the rest of the world.
  8. Austere Night

    Austere Night Well-Known Member

    Well, it seems simple enough about the people you have to live with. Don't bother with them and lock your door. If it gets out of hand after that, report them to the Dean, or the cops or whomever.

    As for not feeling like you mean something, welcome to self-awareness. As soon as you look around at how big the world is, you realize you are small. Douglas Adams' idea of what would make you insane was seeing the whole universe, and a microscopic dot saying "You are here".

    How do you deal with it? I've just accepted that I'm as meaningless to the whole world as anybody. I can readily accept that. Some people can't, and I see them cope but realizing how big a part they are of their more immediate surroundings. To your family and such.
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