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Feeling Like I'm Drowning

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by cheerios652, Aug 13, 2012.

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  1. cheerios652

    cheerios652 New Member

    Hi everyone, I'm new here. I honestly don't know if this will help, but I'm desperate and will reach out to any lifeline at this point.

    I feel so alone right now. So completely forgotten about, just a pathetic dust mite. I grew up with my mom emotionally and physically abusing me, and eventually turning my siblings against me (my sister started abusing me too). It got so bad that I felt my only option was to end it all. I tried killing myself a couple times with no success, and self-harmed more times than I can count. I tried to get help, but the professionals didn't seem to give a crap and threw some drugs at me, which only made me numb. I experimented with drugs and alcohol, and became promiscuous, just searching for something to make me feel better or SOMEONE to love me. I drifted for many years.

    I have been slowly trying to fix my life, though. I'm glad to say it's been 7 years since my last suicide attempt, and 3 years since my last cut. I've managed to stay at a job for almost 2 years, and I was becoming happy.

    Now everything's come crashing down again, and I'm panicking. I became pregnant, but my son's father has left us high and dry. The bills are piling up, and I don't know how I'm going to pay them off ever and I'm getting scared. My car broke down and I can't pay for the repairs. I have no close friends, I'm so alone. I feel this ocean of worry and responsibility crushing me, suffocating me. And on top of that, I have to provide everything for my son completely on my own. I have no idea how I'm going to do it and I'm terrified of screwing it up. I feel worthless and so not good enough. I don't deserve him. He needs so much more than I have to give.

    I'll post again later, this is just what's on my mind right now.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You and your son will be alright hun Have you applied to financial aide form your governemnt mothers allowance Have you taken the child father to court for child support don't let him away with not fulling his responsibilities Courts will make him pay hun hugs
  3. sunnyday

    sunnyday New Member

    just wanted to say my situation is kinda similar its so hard when you come from an abusive backround...then when you have a child yourself (also like me) all you can think about is that they'd be better off without you. I always felt flawed or damaged because of my childhood and now that i suffer depression on top of that I feel it even more so.The way i feel is the guilt pressure and worry of being a parent is sometimes too much and i'm scared that i'm gonna mess up. bottom line your not alone...just like nemo the kids film we'll keep swimming because that's what we've always done....
  4. triedtoomanytimes

    triedtoomanytimes Well-Known Member

    Don't want to pile the guilt on you, but from the way you write it sounds like you really love your son. That being the case, I would guess your son would much rather have your love and share the tough times with you than grow up without you.
    I haven't a clue what you can do to get you out of the crap you're in, I was once told 'everything works out in the end'....still not sure that's true but hopefully you can prove the case.


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