Silent, I know how you are feeling. I don't feel that there is a God either, but I still cry out to Him from time to time, damn him from time to time and often find myself asking if I will go to hell when I die. How can I believe in hell if I don't believe in God? I don't have my answer yet either.
I'm living with a lot of guilt and fear. I see myself as fat, ugly, pathetic and useless a lot of the time but when I examine my life in detail, I can sometimes see my own worth.
I know that my friends need me, I'm the one they come to with all their problems, from love to drugs to financial worries; because they know I've been there, been through things you only see on Lifetime made for TV movies type of stuff.
I know my husband needs me, to keep him driven and keep him growing.
I know my daughter needs me, to love her and care for her and give her my knowledge so that she may not go through the hell her mother has seen.
If you look hard enough, with the thought in mind that you HAVE to be here for a reason, you will find something. Nothing small is actually small. Think of the butterfly effect, who have you touched in your life? Do you realize that even one smile can change someones whole world?
There is no way that you have not had that kind of impact on someone in your life. One smile, one hug, one kind word is all it takes to be of worth to someone else, and once you see that you are of worth to someone else, you will be of worth to yourself. Good luck, my friend. It gets brighter, but you have to search for that light within yourself, and I believe wholeheartedly that you will find it! :headbang: