Feeling like now

[shellz]

Its the same thing, every day. Nothing seems to be working. Was told to try talking to people, I have tried, nobody talks back. I feel so invisible. Like nobody cares. Deep down, thats How I really feel. My family does an excellent job of that. Pushing me down when Im already so far down.

Keep holding on, thats what I keep hearing. But how can you hold on when there is nothing for you to hold on to. When I wake up in the morning, I will tell myself that today is a new day and I can make it through. Yeah, it is a new day, but its the same crap that was there the day before. I get through it only because theres's someone always around me. But, I am home alone all night tonight, and Im feeling like its the night.

 

[itachi]

Hun :hug: i care you know i care.

Come on MSN and lets have a chat

:cheekkiss

luv You
From Josh

 

[shellz]

I cant do that anymore. I cant do this anymore

 

[shellz]

I tried to go to sleep, but I cant. I have to many things on my mind to sleep. Sleeping pills did not kick in. Oh well though..

I have hurt for so long. Been trying to pick myself up, but it is so hard to do, when your always alone. There has always been something there, holding me back. One step forward and two steps back. Thats how it always goes for me.

Is it to much to ask for, to be loved, to be cared about, to be wanted, to be a friend, to have a friend, to have somebody that is there to pick you up when your down? I guess it is. I guess thats how it will always be.

Im just sorry I wasnt able to help people, like I thought I was doing. Im sorry for it all. I'm hoping, this is the last time I fail..

 

[kittenofthesea97]

You are never alone. Somewhere, somewhere there is someone who does care, someone who will love you unconditionally, even if you haven't found them yet, they are there, you just need to keep looking, you WILL find them.

After eight years of trying, I finally have a best friend who's worth something, who cares, and around whom I can be myself. I don't know how long you've been hurting, but there are people for you, keep trying, they can be hard to find.

And you can message me on AIM if you want to talk, too :hug:

 

[selfconscious]

With all your respect, get a grip. I know life can be tough at times, but how about looking at the whole picture, you have family ye? you have a life ye? Why anyone would unnaturally want to leave this place is beyond my mind.
I take your depressive behaviour in regard, and what I can see is a teenager with low self esteem, you need to at least give life a chanse, life can only be better if you want to make it better.

 

[shellz]

Seven years. Seven long miserable years, I have been suffering. I hurt to much to keep going. Nobody knows how bad I hurt, and I dont know how bad others hurt.

I want to dissapear. Be away from this mess and my 'life'. I want to be able to smile a real smile. Instead of hiding behind that fake one.

Im too far gone to be able to have that again. To far gone for anything..

 

[shellz]

Get a grip huh? What a thing to say. A teenager with low self-esteem? Why dont you put yourself in my shoes for once instead of going by your own perspective. You dont know what I have gone through, and I dont know what you have gone through. But seriously, when Im already this low, thanks for making me even lower. Really appreciated that..

 

[itachi]

Hun you know how much i care, you know how special you are.

:hug: :cheekkiss

I Luv you

Please keep Trying

Luv Josh

 

[selfconscious]

Point of my post wasn't to get you down mate.. It was merely an attempt to get your attention, and I can't say I've been through what you've been through, but I have been through some deep shit in my life, and the only way, the ONLY way is to find yourself and do something about it, not to wait around for anything, just try to analyse where and when it went so wrong for you.
When you start questioning where and how it went wrong, is when you can process and do something about it, I can't say that I know what you have been through, or anything.. and I didn't mean to disrespect you in any regard, you're my bro any time and if you feel like, I can support you. all im trying to say is, motivate yourself because people like me wants to motivate you, but you can only make it yourself.

 

[shellz]

I have tried finding things to motivate myself. I have tried so many damn things and nothing has been working. Okay, I get what your saying, but dont come off sounding like an ass like you did. I know, Im fipping out right now, and Im sorry, but when you said that crap, that really made me feel like shit. Like im just somebody who is trying to get attention.

Well let me tell you something, I am far from being someone who wants attention. Far from it. I have recently watched my friend comitt suicide. Now Im trying to keep myself from doing the same thing. So answer me this, does that sound like someone with low self-esteem? Im afraid not

 

[kittenofthesea97]

No one knows what you're going through, but a lot of us have been to the brink of suicide and back. Your situation and life are unique and cannot be truly understood by anyone else, but...
All I can say is this:
Seven years is a long time, but you've got even more years ahead.
Keep looking for true friendship and love.
They are hard to find, but trust me, they are worth the wait.

 

[Cheryl]

Shellz

I'm sorry that your hurting so badly right now. And seven years is a heck of a long time to be feeling so yucky. But, it does get better. Your life can be different. I don't know all that you're feeling. But, I know about being in pain. I know about years and years of feeling like nothing was working out in my life. And, I desperately wanted the pain to end. I wanted to disappear too. I too use to get terribly irritated at people when they said "hold on" and I would scream hold on to what?

But, I want you to know that when you don't feel like you have the strength or energy to hold on. Someone is holding onto you. You are not alone. Though you may not have what you want, need and desire right now...it can be different.

No way, you're not too far gone! I know it feels like it. It feels like you are. But, YOU ARE NOT TOO FAR GONE. You've only just begun. You have your entire life in front of you. You have a lot of love to give. And, a lot of love to receive. You have a whole lot to give. And a lot of the good life to experience. So, while you feel like you don't have the strength right now to hold on....you have a lot of support right here to walk this journey with you. Your not alone.

God bless you,

 

[shellz]

Yeah, I have this site, when people actually talk to me. But IRL, I am very much alone. Days and nights, I am alone. Nobody calls, nobody comes over, the only time people want me is when they want something from me. Other than that, I am very much alone

 

[shellz]

Get a grip?? wow...never thought I would actually here those words said towards me. Its not like im freaking out over something thats so small or something that has no meaning to it. I'm hurting something terrible here, but, its okay...say whatever you want to me to make me feel like shit. Thats all I ever hear anyways..

 

[selfconscious]

What I mean is get control of the situation, make it by motivation.
Im sorry if I got you down, because thats not my intention, I am not from a country where English is being spoken alot, so my vocabulary ain't really good. So all I can say is I am sorry about my comment, it was not my intentions to get you down bro, I hope you feel better. Whenever you need to talk, we're here, and if I am a moron in your eyes, then it's perfectly understandable.
I hope you motivate yourself enough to get through this, because its what all of us wants, when you feel down, its good to let us know, I hope I can help your motivation. If you feel like ignoring me, please do so, because I totally understand if you are annoyed at my comment back in the thread.

 

[shellz]

No its okay, I apologize for what I said about it. Im just so worked up right now that I cant even sit still. Oh, and by the way, I am a girl.

I hear what you all are saying, but, Its not registering in my brain. But, Im afraid its time for me to go now..

 

[itachi]

:cry:

 

[selfconscious]

please don't. find yourself a way to escape these feelings, I promise you that you will be embraced with love. All I can say is: dont do it, its not worth it.. by these posts I read that you have posted, it seems like you are a tough, intelligent girl with alot of harsh episodes in your life. Oh and you're a woman, that's fine sister, I am going to do everything I can to help you, if you want. you have to want help. a smart young woman like yourself.. I know you can make it.

 

[shellz]

*sigh* I dont even know what happend last night..all I know is that my stomach really hurts and so does my arms..