feeling like shit...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by xmichael, Sep 22, 2006.

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  1. xmichael

    xmichael New Member

    Hi guys, this is actually my 1st post here... i've just joined... if you don't like gays, plz stop reading... I'm 24 yrs old and I've always thinked of me as bisexual, I realized like 6 months ago that I consider myself gay... that's actually not the issue, I've been for a year already in a relationship with a guy 5 yrs younger than me that is just perfect, he doesn't do shitty stuff, we have confidence, its really great, we are sociable individuals and we get along with all of our friends... Now... I'm the greatest shit there is... I love him and I don't plan to do any harm to him or nothing at all... but I just do it without realizing I am... 3 days ago he found out I told him a lie about 9-10 monts ago, it was a lie having to do with some other guy whom with I never had anything more than just things on the internet and that was before meeting him... but now he realized I lied about something... This is in 1 year the 1st lie and the only time I have lied.. and now he thinks that everything that we've had could be a lie... its much more complicated than what it seems, but to tell u the whole story, it would take forever, then 2 days ago with some ppl that worked with him I danced with a les girl from his work (nobody knows this girl is les) and we danced very close and macho like kinda stuff... and know he says he just can't take it picturing both of us like that and knowing that I've had female partners most of my life he's not sure I'm only into him... He just dumped me, or well.. asked for a time out about 15 mins ago and I feel like the worst shit ever... he is amazing for relationships, he never ever do anything wrong and I never have to be angry with him about anything, but I just did and a lotta times I've done shitty stuff like this and he says its not fair... Now I just feel like taking my car and crashing into something... cutting myself or something.. but not even for that I'm good at... I'm such a coward for that kinda stuff.. You know that people who seem nice and have patience and like are calmed are the worst when feeling like this... well... I've almost never in my life exploted or yelled at someone, my friends actually said I have too much patience... well.. now i feel like that patience just went off.. and I feel like shit... sorry if maybe it seems like its not a big issue, but I just had to do someting and instead of doing something bad I found this forum and I prefer to post something here...
  2. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    First of all, :welcome: to the forum.....I am Carolyn and I think you made a good desicion by joining SF!!

    With your boyfriend I would try and explain everything and give him sometime to get over it, and be caring. All I can really advice you to do is explain, and get him time, that's all you can really do that I can think of........so many people are users and not honest and are liers and it just screws us caring/honest/decent people.

    Remember I am here for you, and don't feel alone, okay? :hug: ;)



    you are in my thoughts,
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