Feeling like the fifth wheel at family gettogethers

[Emerald Gemstone Blogger]

How does one cope when they are the only single person at a family gathering (Easter, Christmas, etc), and everyone else is coupled up? Especially since as the sole single person, I'm sitting in a corner watching everyone else have fun?

If I could, I'd skip every single one and just pop in a Hungry Man Turkey Dinner in the microwave. The only reason I even bother is for my mom and dad. As far as my siblings go, I have two. I get along okay with the one, but for some reason when it comes to holiday dinners, she and I don't really talk much.

As for my other sister and my brother-in-law, I'm almost compelled to disown them both. They are both so incredibly rude to me, and they make me feel so uncomfortable. My sister has a relatively good job, and she makes more money than my other sister and I make combined, and since she got that job, she acts as though she is better than everyone else. She never used to be that way, and it bothers me that her personality has shifted that much. As for bro-in-law, I don't even consider him to be a part of the family. I knew from the day they got married that I hated him...and since then, he has made it his personal mission to bully me and make me feel so uncomfortable.

I have tried to convince Mom and Dad to forego the holiday dinners and just have a quiet celebration at my place, but they want the whole family to come together. So, my question is...how do I get out of spending time with family members who don't respect me? And if I have to go, how do I get through it?

 

[Shush]

Oh yes. I know that feeling well Emerald. And I hate it too.
Luckily my brother and sis-in-law are not down right rude to me.

And that feeling is even worse at larger family gatherings - like with extended family. i have a family wedding to go to in a couple of weeks that I am dreading.

As for how I cope. When I can, I either get busy playing with my adorable nieces. Or I help out in the kitchen to stay busy. And I admit to sometimes lying to get out of larger family functions if I just can't handle it.

I wish I could be more help, but know you are not the only one feeling this way.

Hugs
Mel

 

[Emerald Gemstone Blogger]

Oh yes. I know that feeling well Emerald. And I hate it too.
Luckily my brother and sis-in-law are not down right rude to me.

And that feeling is even worse at larger family gatherings - like with extended family. i have a family wedding to go to in a couple of weeks that I am dreading.

As for how I cope. When I can, I either get busy playing with my adorable nieces. Or I help out in the kitchen to stay busy. And I admit to sometimes lying to get out of larger family functions if I just can't handle it.

I wish I could be more help, but know you are not the only one feeling this way.

Hugs
Mel

I appreciate the fact that I am not alone in this, so thank you.

You know, it was so much easier when my nieces and nephews were younger. Then I could spend my time hanging out with them. But now that they're all over the age of 18, it's made it harder...

 

[Shush]

Whew - I wish I had a better solution. Thank heavens my nieces are still young. I don't want to think about how uncomfortable it will be when they are older and bringing their own partners around.

It is a very hard situation. I guess maybe you could choose to bring a friend along?

Best of luck - please let me know if you find a better solution.
Mel

 

[Claire_from_Canada]

I feel this way too. Sometimes I feel pressured to just hurry up and couple up with 'anybody' just so I don't have to do these things alone anymore. Then I realized that I am an adult. I own a car. I don't live with any of them. If I don't want to go, I don't have to. If I want to go and then leave when I feel like it, I can. If I want to make other plans, or none at all, I can do that too. The point is that it is my choice, not theirs. I understand fully that if I do not go, I will be alone for the holidays and my family will continue on as if nothing had changed.

Have you told your parents that you feel that way around your rude sister and brother in law? Would they expect you to go, just to make them feel better, even though it makes you feel worse?

 

[Human Ex Machinae]

I used to feel the same way, until I realized that there wasn't actually a problem. I'm not a fifth wheel, I'm a unicycle. So I got on an off-ramp, rolled my own way, and let them continue rumbling down that road without me, letting the sounds of their stupid comments fade with the distance until they were gone.

 

[Emerald Gemstone Blogger]

I'm not a fifth wheel, I'm a unicycle.

AWESOME quote! I have to remember that!

 

[Emerald Gemstone Blogger]

I feel this way too. Sometimes I feel pressured to just hurry up and couple up with 'anybody' just so I don't have to do these things alone anymore. Then I realized that I am an adult. I own a car. I don't live with any of them. If I don't want to go, I don't have to. If I want to go and then leave when I feel like it, I can. If I want to make other plans, or none at all, I can do that too. The point is that it is my choice, not theirs. I understand fully that if I do not go, I will be alone for the holidays and my family will continue on as if nothing had changed.

Have you told your parents that you feel that way around your rude sister and brother in law? Would they expect you to go, just to make them feel better, even though it makes you feel worse?

I've told them constantly that we should have our own celebration...but I can see where they are coming from. They are getting older and there won't be many more gatherings left. But on that token - and I hate to sound selfish - but why would they willingly agree to them knowing there is so much tension?