why i must get drunk to feel myself happy??why can´t i be happy just being me? why i want to die over and over again? i´m tired of being myself...and i don´t want to be alive anymore,i haven´t reason...I DON¨T HAVE A F@KING REASON TO FEEL LIKE THIS. I want to die...and i´m about to lose myt job. i don´t go since 2 weeks. my sister fouds my scars and now she knows i hurt myself...that was something mine...the onlything i tought i could control and now ....i´m so lost i don´t want to wake up tomorrow morning, i don´t want to face my boss, and i don´t want to face anyone. Even my sister didn´t care about my scars. Nobody worries about me anymore. no one give me attention anymore, because i´m the happy woman they think i am. i want to die. why can´t i just grab an knife and take my life away? why i don´t know anymore who i am? why i feel i lost everythging i ever had. My family doesn´t care if am i alive or not, they live their lifes normaly and nobody sees how sad am i. nobody can see the pain hidden on me..everybody sings, everybody is happy...all of them ...fuck all of them. The onlyone who ever tryed to help me was my boyfriend who looks at me now with scorn, he hates my scars and he barely look at me. i feel i lost everything that i ever loved...or is just i´m seeing things the way it really are? all i ever wanted to do is making them proud of me...and now after all my effort.. nobody cares about if i do something good or wrong...how can it be? I feel so bad tonight that it wouldn´t be so strange that i don´t wabt to wake up in the morning...i want they see my pain but i don´t want they fake help. i just want to die. ..........i hope there isn´t another life after death because i don´t want it. because i just want everything ends. and finally tonight the will see how sad i am...and will se the pain they cause me. i´m sorry for all of these , i just wanted to take all of these out.