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Feeling lonely and like dirt

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lionheart, Apr 1, 2012.

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  1. Lionheart

    Lionheart Well-Known Member

    My life seems over, I contemplate suicide daily but I'm unsure what lies ahead in the next phase, I've already messed up this life what is the next stage going to be like. People will think I'm a coward and hate me more. I don't want to live here anymore but it's not fair there is no easy way out. It's like I have no choice to go on and I hate it. I'm 30 already and suspected autism, I've missed so much of my life due to the fear of people knowing me from high school seeing me by chance, what any God really thinks of me deep down, fears and phobias. I'm tired of the abuse on the streets from street punks and hooligans, I even only lost my virginity due to seeing a working escort lady which now shames me :-(.

    I'm now scared of life, feeling unhappy to be here and very angry at myself. Don't know who I am inside anymore?
  2. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Unlike death, with life you have the chance to make amends, try your hardest to fix the problems that you are facing. Should that not be enough for you to continue on to another day?
    What few people realise is that the World does keep them down. Sure, the World throws stupid, idiotic obstacles in your way such as illnesses, diseases, mental retardation (just an example only), unkind words by other people, actions et cetera but at the end of the day, is it not you yourself that you are fighting with? That you allow yourself to believe of yourself what other people think or say about you? Why would you even allow yourself to believe the things of other people? They see you from the outside - only you know what your true worth is and all that you can offer the World. Is that not something you should be proud of?
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Lionhart. I see this is your first post here. I'm glad you found us, but I'm sorry to hear that things are really rough for you right now. Who are the street punks and hooligans that abuse you? Do you pass by them every day? That would be really unpleasant to deal with - nasty bullies!

    On the positive side, you seem to be a pleasant, intelligent, and sensitive person. Also, it takes courage and strength to survive when we feel down, and you have survived and are continuing to survive. That is something to be proud of. I think you have more going for you than you realize. :smile:

    I hope you'll tell us more about yourself in the coming days. Please stay safe. I'd like to get to know you better.
  4. Lionheart

    Lionheart Well-Known Member

    Their just nasty people like you say :-(. they think their cool. I've found I'm fighting a losing battle in my village with people throwing things, general abuse and comments.
  5. Lionheart

    Lionheart Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the support Leif :).

    I do try to think like you say. Life goes on, and it's not too late to still fulfill my dreams if I go for 'em. But I struggle to believe it.

    I hate myself and body (which I've done to myself). I don't self harm but I just want to go so bad :-(.
  6. Lionheart

    Lionheart Well-Known Member

    Thank you too Acy :). Thank you both so much.

    Times are certainly hard. I don't really go to gyms or anything any more, just whatever I can these days. Maybe your right about what is going for me, it's so hard seeing it though :-(. Especially when you can see so many people who have made it or look to daily. I'm very guilty of being a little envious of people who look like they have things I could never get no matter how hard I would work for it sometimes. Which is a stupid way to think really :-(.

    Being overweight at the moment due to a lot of wanting to eat all the time has made me hate mirrors so much now I want to avoid them, I feel wrong for what I've let done to myself. But I try to keep believing I can do it. I can cope and survive.
  7. Lionheart

    Lionheart Well-Known Member

    I try to not give in.
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Things like that make me feel ashamed to be human. I hope they stop doing that. How immature and stupid of them! I am really sorry and saddened to hear that they do crap like that to you.

    Keep posting here and talking to us. And btw, if anyone here bothers you, you just have to tell someone on staff or post in the Letters to Management. SF doesn't like bullies. :wink:
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