My life seems over, I contemplate suicide daily but I'm unsure what lies ahead in the next phase, I've already messed up this life what is the next stage going to be like. People will think I'm a coward and hate me more. I don't want to live here anymore but it's not fair there is no easy way out. It's like I have no choice to go on and I hate it. I'm 30 already and suspected autism, I've missed so much of my life due to the fear of people knowing me from high school seeing me by chance, what any God really thinks of me deep down, fears and phobias. I'm tired of the abuse on the streets from street punks and hooligans, I even only lost my virginity due to seeing a working escort lady which now shames me :-(. I'm now scared of life, feeling unhappy to be here and very angry at myself. Don't know who I am inside anymore?