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Feeling Lonely and unable to cope

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I moved to a different state about three months ago to be with my now husband. I was happy at first and thought I could cope with all the changes of being away from everyone I know back in New York. But this past month a lot of horrible things have happened, and after going to college here for a month I haven't really made any friends. The college I'm going to is an offshoot of the main campus and is really small and not that many people my age, which I found surprising. Not having anyone I know here but my husband and realizing that I probably won't find anyone I can connect to at college has had me feeling very depressed lately. I'm constantly having nightmares and panic attacks and have a lack of energy to do things I know I need to get done. To make matters worse, I found out last month that his ex is pretending to be with him still on her online pages. Both the stress of coping with college and starting my first job, now combined with being lonely and dealing with his ex has me feeling hopeless, like nothing is ever going to be good again. I just feel so terrible about myself. I'll look at what my friends from back in NY are up to and just feel lonely, knowing I won't be able to see them again, or not for a very long time. I've found myself thinking of suicide lately, and if not that joining the military just so I can get out of this state and meet people, but my husband doesn't want me to do either. I feel stuck in this life, I'm happy to be with my husband but everything else just has me completely down. He's looking into moving to a different base if they have a position open, since he doesn't like it here either. But I guess his base is known as the "blackhole" of the air force, since it's hard to get out. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has advice for how to deal with this loneliness and if anyone has been in this same situation where you gave up the life you wanted to be with someone.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hun is there any classes you can take outside the college like art or music or even dance to meet up with people your own age Can you set a time up to talk to your friend from NewYork on the computer via web cam so there is some connection still from them hugs to you


Well-Known Member
Hey Kira,

It's good to hear from you again. You've only been at this new school in a new state for a month- if you're in the same position in one month from now, then I think joining shared hobby clubs or study groups would help you meet people for sure. But really, it has only been a month, and it is not easy to meet people when you don't have a stepping stone to make connections. Give yourself time, you will do just fine. I'd be honored to be your friend, but if I happened to be at your school, saw you around campus and didn't know who you were, I might not say hi. "All you need is just a little patience."

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