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Feeling lost and frustrated

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadhart, Aug 12, 2018 at 10:36 PM.

  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I was hesitant to make this thread, but here goes. In the last couple of months I have been dealing with some frustrations communicating with a girl I care about. I thought the worst such as maybe she had started dating someone or that she just didn't want to talk anymore. But that was not the case. What she shared with me was that she had been in and out of the hospital. I think something happened to where she felt she may be a danger to herself. Last Monday, she entered a treatment facility for an eating disorder as well as something else I wish not to reveal at this time. It was kind of an odd situation as she wasn't exactly totally inpatient and the reason s because she's a school teacher and they were allowing her to work while she also underwent treatment. She was also able to keep her phone, though it would be monitored as to make sure she isn't on certain sites that may be negative to her recovery. I was worried about texting her as I definitely didn't want to interfere in her recovery. She said I wasn't and I hope that is true.

    I don't try to talk to her about things that could be distracting like relationship type stuff. I try to find encouraging quotes to send her. After over a month of not being able to talk to her for various reasons like her phone not working and her being the hospital, I was grateful to be able to talk to her, but I was also sad because she is not in a good place. And now, I'm afraid it may have gotten worse.

    Last Thursday, she told me that she had to go to court in another state due to a speeding ticket that following Friday. She said she was well above the speed limit which is considered a federal offense and can include jail time. I tried to be encouraging, like sending her an inspirational quote as well as praying which I am not good at. Her last message to me was sometime after seven in the morning where she texted that she liked the quote I sent her. Sometime after twelve I had texted her checking to make sure if everything went well. There was no response and so I tried again a few hours later. Still nothing. And later that night one more time before I went to bed. I didn't text at all Saturday and only once today, and still no response. This is making me fear the worst in that she did end up in jail. I was really relieved when she said that her school was understanding of her getting treatment while she still got to teach which is something I know she enjoys doing. And if that's the case, I just fear she will now lose her job because of being in jail. Then there's the possibility that she had her phone taken away and I feel bad as maybe it's because of something I said. Maybe whoever has been monitoring her phone thinks I'm a negative or toxic person. As bad as I would probably feel if that is true, I would at least feel some relief in that at least she was not in jail and everything is okay. Either way, I just really bad and selfish as well.

    I believe in a higher power and I call that power God. But I have constantly struggled with my faith, in particular when bad things happen. I feel s frustrated that I prayed as best as I could and it seemed to not matter. I'm angry at God, because this girl has been through so much and it just feels like he's causing more pain. Maybe that sounds irrational, but it's how I feel. I tried to open up to a couple of people about my worries. One person chastised me for being discouraged with God and the other person, my mother just dismisses everything I feel and that doesn't help.

    I know I wrote a lot and I know I probably sound really selfish...I certainly feel that way. But I hate seeing this person hurting and I just wish I could do something to help her during this painful time. I'm sorry if none of this made sense, I just feel overwhelmed and struggling to not feel hopeless.
  2. dtc

    dtc Getting there

    I think you're doing a great job of putting this other person first even though it must be eating you up inside. It's so hard when you really care for someone and all you want to do it help them, but you can only do that if they ask for it, you can't force help on anyone. For mine you're doing the exact right thing, you're checking in and letting them know that you're there for them, and that's all you can really do. Hope it all turns out ok for you and them. Take care
    SBV24 likes this.
  3. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I appreciate what all you said but I don't feel like I'm doing anything good. Really, I feel really selfish. I haven't heard from her since last Friday and that makes me feel sad. Yet if she's ok, then I should be happy with that. But that's hard to feel when you have no idea. This is why I feel selfish and guilty. And work sure as hell isn't with all the ass backwards crap that is happening. I'm sorry, I'm just rambling now.
  4. dtc

    dtc Getting there

    No better place to ramble than here so always feel free.
  5. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Fine. I feel sad and guilty when I wake up, more so as the day goes on, and still the same way when I'm getting ready to go to sleep. It's currently not knowing if she is okay thàt gets to me.
  6. dtc

    dtc Getting there

    The not knowing has always been the hardest for me also, the feeling of helplessness is compounded by the infinite number of what ifs that swirl around in your head.

    The only coping mechanism that's ever worked for me is whenever my mind heads down that path I try to catch myself before heading too far down the despair path and just tell myself I'm better than this, this isn't helping anyone and then try to focus my mind on something else. Songs and Podcasts are a great help with that
  7. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Sometimes music helps, but not often. I found myself at work thinking of an instrumental version of a Rick Astley song and no, it wasn't Never Gonna Give you up. That kind of depressed me though. Then again, I was at work which is a frustrating place right now. I feel so lost still and nowhere at peace. I just continue feeling sad and guilty. Sorry for repeating myself.
  8. dtc

    dtc Getting there

    Haha, is this a case of one doth protest too much? methinks it maybe : )
  9. brightlight

    brightlight SF Supporter

    Hi Sadhart
    I know from my own experience and from working with others that being angry with God never leads to peace, it just shuts us off from peace, and when there is no peace sadness takes its place. When we close out god the ego takes over and the ego needs to feed of guilt to survive, so this is why you are feeling guilty and sad all the time.
    You have no control over someone else's situation, but you can control how you respond, but your ego knows this, and it doesn't want you to take control of your own feelings, hence it is constantly distracting you with stuff you can't do anything about, and you are "blaming" all the stuff that you can't change on your feelings.
    However you can change your feelings. Stop being angry with God, because your anger isn't leaving you and reaching god, you would have a better chance of throwing a snowball at the sun and hitting it!
    God has given you the power to be loving and also the power of choice, but god is a one way street kinda deal, god supplies you with the energy, what you do with it is your own biznis, kinda like electricity, you plug into it and take as much as you want and if you can produce the same energy (love) you can add yours to the grid. But the electricity provider is not concerned or responsible if your TV or fridge isn't working, and you being angry about it certainly isn't being relayed back up the grid .
    This does nothing to help your friend, so in the absence of a solution for your friend, you could give some time to making peace, with yourself, god doesn't need you to make peace with it, god never stopped being peaceful.
    If you dilute your thoughts around your friend and her problems it'll help you accept the things that you cannot change.
    When you think about her, image all the other people around her that you are not concerned or worried about, everyone else that you are letting get on with their own life, and allow her to become just another one of these.
    Love and Light
  10. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, but this is a bit confusing. I spoke to someone else about God and they say something a bit different when it comes to being angry.

    But something else I feel I need to say is that I get that there are certain things out of my control and I do my best to accept this. But that doesn't mean I'm totally cool with everything that happens. And I'm sorry, but I find your last sentence kind of insensitive. She is not just any other person. She is someone I have been privileged to get to know. Someone else said something similar and it comes off like my feelings about this is like a light switch I can just turn on and off and it's not that simple for me. I'm sorry for being defensive, but I really don't know what I'm supposed to feel after what you wrote. Far from peace I can tell you that much.