Feeling Lost

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by n.i., Jun 5, 2014.

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  1. n.i.

    n.i. New Member

    I suffer from mixed and rapid cycling bipolar disorder. I was strongly thinking about suicide today, and happened across this site.

    I was once a pretty successful attorney, but I always hated the job, yet could never find a way out.

    About 2 years ago, I voluntarily admitted myself for a 3-day observation at a hospital upon the advice of my former psychiatrist. I had been suffering from severe depression at the time, and had strongly expressed an urge to kill myself. The entire hospitalization was an awful experience, and I now have very little trust in institutional assistance.

    I have been on different medication regimes, in and out of therapy, and even underwent electro-convulsive therapy (ECT). Nothing has really worked.

    Since my hospital experience, life has been very difficult. I have not been able to hold down a job in my profession. I am under extreme financial duress. I feel alienated from pretty much everyone. While I have a lot of turmoil inside, I just can't seem to express it. When I do, it comes out in highly negative ways - usually anger that is not proportional to the situation, which happened this morning.

    I really just want to be happy. But I can't seem to enjoy life, and I am having an increasingly difficult time dealing with even everyday challenges.
  2. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    Welcome :) it's good that you reach out, for me writing my problems here can help, so I hope it does the same for you. Good luck with everything :) I believe it will be better for you some day, just keep going, okay? :)
  3. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    Welcome to this forum. I hope it is useful to you.

    The job market is a brutal place, so I doubt your troubles there are entirely your own doing--when dollar-valuing someone's time, the system is simply unforgiving.

    Wishing the best in life to you--
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi n.i, and welcome to SF which is a wonderful place to have found where you can express the stuff that is going on inside. I know exactly what you mean about the disappointment with institutional assistance, which actually does not - because it cannot - go deep enough to heal and to medicate the psychological places within which are hurting. I was in this position and underwent ECT - for me, it seemed to dislodge something that was stuck physically in my synapses - but the real healing has come about through undertaking the journey to get to know my soul, which has shed light on the issues that caused my dis-stress.

    There is a method available for doing this, if you are interested, I can PM you the details of the wonderful counsellor who helped me and saved my life, my marriage, my family, my sanity, my future :) He does Skype and telephone counselling for people overseas
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    oh, and btw - I remember this counsellor saying that if he had not become a counsellor he would have wanted to be a lawyer - because of his interest in discovering the truth of the matter. "The Truth shall make you free" etc. :)
  6. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. This forum will help and support you.
  7. islandification

    islandification Well-Known Member

    New here as well, so not so sure I should reply, but I read in an article in Psych Today that lawyers have the highest depression rate of all professions. About 2/3 would do something else if they could. Really hope you find something you like better. Changing directions is very tough.
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