I suffer from mixed and rapid cycling bipolar disorder. I was strongly thinking about suicide today, and happened across this site. I was once a pretty successful attorney, but I always hated the job, yet could never find a way out. About 2 years ago, I voluntarily admitted myself for a 3-day observation at a hospital upon the advice of my former psychiatrist. I had been suffering from severe depression at the time, and had strongly expressed an urge to kill myself. The entire hospitalization was an awful experience, and I now have very little trust in institutional assistance. I have been on different medication regimes, in and out of therapy, and even underwent electro-convulsive therapy (ECT). Nothing has really worked. Since my hospital experience, life has been very difficult. I have not been able to hold down a job in my profession. I am under extreme financial duress. I feel alienated from pretty much everyone. While I have a lot of turmoil inside, I just can't seem to express it. When I do, it comes out in highly negative ways - usually anger that is not proportional to the situation, which happened this morning. I really just want to be happy. But I can't seem to enjoy life, and I am having an increasingly difficult time dealing with even everyday challenges.