I'm not sure anymore. I've been managing for a long time, I suppose it helps I'm put in situations where I get hurt almost every day which helps my need to be punished so I don't have to do it myself - does that make sense? Now I'm staring at some scissors, I don't have anything more useful, staring at my scars. I find it incredible really that I roll down my sleeves every day and noone has a clue. I'm kidding myself, maybe I don't need to cut and burn myself anymore but I get punched kicked bitten strangled every other day, take pills, take risks... I have no life, I don't feel I deserve it, so I give myself to work. I feel sad that I get older and I don't have a life, but I don't know how to change and value myself. Can I ask for help? I barely hurt myself anymore, go through phases of punching my face in but, I get up and go to work everyday. So it's fine?