Feeling lost

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by EndlessRain, Apr 19, 2009.

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  1. EndlessRain

    EndlessRain Member

    First off, I wanted to introduce myself as well as make my post all at once. My name is Adam, I am 25 years old.

    For the last 3 years I have been back and forth on life and death. Last night was the first time I tried anything, I am somewhat glad I failed, and at the same time, I want to try again.

    I'm sure a lot of people have the same story and have been through similar things, but in my mind, inside of me it feels like its still different. I'm not especially depressed, but at the same time I am always sad. I don't have it particularly bad, but at the same time it often feels like things can't get worse.I guess the best way to describe it, is I am simply tired. Everyday feels like a battle just to get to the next, and every day seems like a race to get to an identical situation an hour, a day, a week, a year from the one I am in. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I am literally so exhausted, and look forward to nothing, and I just want to rest, be done. Inside it feels like... Why wake up tomorrow when it feels like 20,30,50,60 years from now will feel the same way? Is life supposed to feel like you just push with all you have to be in the same place forever? It's rather depressing :sad:

    Yesterday all day I just sat in my room, thinking. I am not close to anyone, no one would especially miss me if I was gone. I have one friend, and they are similar to me which is part of why we clicked in the first place. Neither of us can honestly encourage the other as we both feel the same way. No family to speak of.

    I've tried a lot of things to make life a bit more interesting. I have learned 3 instruments, and actually I really love music. I have to say it is one of the only reasons I care to scratch through to another day. But even that gets tiring.

    Sorry for such a long post. I'm just stuck in the middle, leaning towards the final side. Even now, it's like I want something to grab on, but at the same time I really don't :mellow:
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hey Adam, welcome to the site.

    I'm glad you failed last night too; at least you have another chance at life.

    I hope you stick around here and try to talk things out. There are lots of caring, supportive people here.
     
  3. EndlessRain

    EndlessRain Member

    Thanks for the welcome :smile:

    Going through the site I can see it is a very supportive place. I'm not sure how anything will go, but it's little steps like finding places such as this that seem to make it feel like it's worth putting things off at least a little bit to see what I can learn.
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It's a step forward. At least you're here, talking to people.
     
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