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feeling low again

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Null, Nov 22, 2011.

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  1. Null

    Null Well-Known Member

    Let me first say, I usually don't post on forums, but I've been lurking for a while and everyone seems so nice, so I just wanted to get some feedback.

    I'm a 29 year old male. I've always been depressed for as long as I remember. The first time (I remember) wanting to kill myself was at age 5. I've always lived with depression, and I've sort of come to accept it as part of who I am.

    About 5 months ago I was diagnosed with diabetes. It was kinda a shock, but to be honest, I expected as much. I was very upset. I thought long and hard about it... I felt like my life was over. In all reality I kinda wanted to kill myself, but I really couldn't leave my fiancee to fend for herself. After talking to a few people at work, I found lots of support and suggestions. I started watching what I was eating, keeping track of my sugar levels, etc... I lost about 15 pounds the first month (about 60 pounds total so far). In that time period, it was my mission to read/learn/research/understand what I could about diabetes. During this time I experienced very little anger, depression... Oddly I was happy for a short time.

    After about a month, I had a sever panic attack. At the time I thought I just got sick, or maybe it was from the life style changes... I decided to go to sleep but I didn't sleep well. When I woke up my chest was hurting a little bit. I decided to check my blood pressure and it was way higher than normal, I also felt like I was shaking and very hot. I went and saw my doctor about it, she gave me some medicine (for short term use) and also prescribed a anti-depressant to help with other symptoms. I talked to my doctor and we decided on counseling before I start medications... (I didn't want to start them, because I didn't like them when I was a kid).

    I've been seeing a therapist for like 3 months now. I still feel really depressed, but not really more than normal. I still want to die, but I don't necessarily feel like killing myself. The therapist suggested medication so we have started on Wellbutrin about 3 weeks ago. She said I should start feeling a difference after a couple weeks, but I really don't feel anything... The fact its not working is more depressing.

    I'm not sure, but I think I'm happiest when I'm in learning mode... when I have a problem to "conquer". I'm not sure if other people feel like that, but it seems to be how it works for me. If I have something to focus on with extreme amounts of devotion, then I'm happy. But lately... everything has been meh... I've been thinking about drinking again... it seems like the only thing that helps.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Drinking is not going to help your diabetes it will only make you feel worse hun
    Take up a new class that interest you or a new activity that will keep your mind challenged okay Meds can take up to 6 weeks before they kick in hun so be patient okay i found wellbutrin help me i hope it helps you hugs
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Hiya hun and welcome to SF. I am glad that you have taken a positive approach to your diagnosis of diabetes. It is a shock because we always think it will never happen to us but with a good diet, keeping regular appointments with your doctors and nurses and exercise regularly you should stay healthy and your blood glucose levels should stay normal for many, many years to come. It is very pleasing to see positivity.

    As for your medication, it can often take up to 6 weeks before it completely gets into your system and start feeling the benefits. Keep at it until you reach the 6 week mark and if you feel no improvement it may be just that the dosage needs increasing. Don't be disheartened, I am on my 3rd lot of anti depressants since January and currently on my third increase of this particular one. I just haven't found the right med for me yet. Also, therapy can make us feel more depressed sometimes and it is often a sign that the therapy is working because you are confronting and dealing with your issues.

    Ongoing learning is a good thing, find a subject of hobby you enjoy and can expand on. You may find this beneficial to you. Hope this had helped a little. :)
  4. Null

    Null Well-Known Member

    I guess what I was trying to say... was something like. "I'm always depressed when I don't have a reason, but give me a reason to be depressed and I will be happy."

    I'm sorry guys, I just don't make sense sometimes...
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