Feeling low

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Talia862, Jan 6, 2016.

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  1. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    Feeling real low. I thought I was doing a little better and wasn't thinking about suicide much. Then a few days ago I accidentally left the gas burner on (I give you my word I didn't do it on purpose) and didn't realize until a neighbor smelled it. I have a carbon monoxide detector that would have gone off if it had actually gotten to a dangerous level, so even if my neighbor hadn't said anything it would have been ok. I would have caught it in time. I turned off the stove and opened all the windows when I realized,. you know, took care of myself and the cat, made sure we were both safe. So that's good. And it was ok, I never felt sick or anything, and I did the right thing in making sure the gas was off and the windows were open for a little while. so it wasn't really a huge deal, but...

    But then feelings came up later that night, when I was trying to sleep. That night, I started thinking about death. The gas thing became a trigger of sorts, and all of a sudden I was feeling real depressed that I was still alive I started thinking about hurting myself. I realized i still have the desire to die in me.

    Since then I can't stop thinking about different ways to hurt myself and how wonderful and peaceful death would be. . It's ;like I had been ok but that incident started me thinking about suicide all over again. I even called a suicide hotline the next night and talked to them. I dont' want to hurt my friends, but I want to die. It's a bad way to feel....Its hard. I know my friends care, that's the thing. I don't want to hurt them. Yet I still wish I could get away from the emotional and physical pain.

    I just feel so down. I dont' intend to act on any suicidal feelings tonight, but I just feel so down. I hope things get better. I am in a lot of physical pain as well as emotional because of the RA (rheumatoid arthtritis- I wrote about that in my last post ) I have. Pain can really wear you down.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 6, 2016
  2. joshua6969

    joshua6969 Member

    I know the feeling well. Feeling the same myself now.
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Physical pain is a heavy burden to carry and makes everything harder and take more effort while at the same time making you wonder why bother for more of the same. I am sorry you are having to deal with it as well. When dealing with that it takes next to nothing to become a trigger and make people suicidal and easily can turn a simple common accident into something more. Please come on here to write or chat when feeling alone if there is nobody to reach out to in real life. If posting does not help reply to some posts so you can feel like you do exist and have something to occupy your mind besides the repetitive thoughts until you are able to rest.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
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  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry you are so low hope tomorrow will bring you more positive thoughts
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hiyas, I hope you are feeling a bit better today. Physical pain can be a real dampener, may I ask what the pain is and if you are getting treatment for it? I am glad you are still here, you did the right thing for you and your cat. You say you have friends, can you talk to any of them about how you are feeling? I know it's a tough subject but if you're close to them it might help take the emotional burden off. I am really sorry you are feeling this way. Just know that things will most likely get better and keep us updated! hugs!
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