feeling low

[meepers]

I'm feeling really crappy so came on here to distract myself. I've not really posted before but have been reading the forums for a bit, just not felt able to reply.

I'm "recovering" from a mixture of ana and mia...just not doing so good at the moment. Things got pretty bad in December and I was forced to take some time out of uni and move back home. Things did improve....but kinda against my will. So now, a few weeks ago I have returned to uni and things are going downhill again. I restrict when I can and when I emotionally feel shit I turn to binging and purging. I disgust even myself. My housemates are now all aware of my situation given that I had to take time out of uni and lost a lot of weight when things got worse, so its virtually impossible to purge even tho being the vile creature I am that is what I crave most. I also self harm. and this has got a lot worse now as that seems to be a substitute for purging.

I'm scared of things going back to how they were in December...not eating at all for 48 hours ad then binging and purging. I would be so desperate to purge I would go out and use public toilets and even plastic bags in my room. I'm scared to go back to theat state but i miss it so much. I used to spend so much time thinking about suicide and those thoughts are starting to come back again. I'm scared of myself

 

[Vitreledonellidae]

I know how you feel. I have been purging in alleys, so people near me wont found out about it >.< I dont know, its always hard not to fall back. Maybe they let you go back to uni to fast. This is serious, this is very difficult and it takes some time to get better. Your health is more important than uni and I'm sure everyone thinks that way. Maybe you should start over next year, so you can focuss on getting better. I dont know, because I dont really know your situation. But you can always pm me if you want or ask my msn adres.