Feeling lower than ever

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by alphonso, Aug 28, 2016.

  1. alphonso

    alphonso Member

    1. Hi,

      This is my first post and not sure how to start. For the past few years I've been dealing with depression and loneliness and every year it seems to get progressively worse. This year has truly been the worst year of my life. Having no friends and family being ignorant to my feelings hurts like hell. I'm often comparing myself to people who I feel have more than I ever have and don't understand why I haven't experienced happiness like they have. I'm 33 and never had a meaningful relationship ever yet I see everyone have someone and I'm wondering what is wrong with me. Questions like I'm I ugly?, do I have a bad personality, or people just don't generally like me. I'm tired of feeling lonely and I'm tired of the self loathing. I just want a person just to understand what I'm going through without being judged. I'm hoping for anything that would be encouraging so I have reason to go on.
  2. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Hi Alphonso,

    I've mentioned this to others, I only started dating at age 45. I only wanted to meet someone who would understand me, understand my emotional health as I explained it, understand that I have trouble eating, that I have panic attacks, that I'm scared in crowds. I wanted a man who would be so happy to take care of me. I did meet one, but lately he has changed into a bitter nasty jerk and it will likely end soon if nothing else changes. I hope this doesn't sound too cynical, but I haven't met anyone yet (in real life) who hasn't judged me. I decided this year that I am better off detaching myself from that idea because even if another person goes through exactly the same issues I do, their perception will always be different, so I truly believe I set my standards way too high. So having this new attitude, I have decided that the only person that matters is ME. I will never judge myself and if I do, I will be kind and forgiving to myself. It was a hard concept to learn for me because I used to care so much about what others thought of me, but I don't anymore, and I'm happier that way. I don't expect much from others, only from myself. I had to enjoy my own company before I could think of enjoying someone else's. I worked on myself first, I had self-loathing and I was lonely, but I found ways to enjoy my life alone and I learned a lot about myself. I really feel that this positive change attracted more men towards me, maybe not the right ones all the time, but I did date a lot.

    Anyway, that's just me. I don't have an answer for why you can't find a meaningful relationship. My biggest problem when I started dating was geography and my age because I didn't want to meet a man who had an ex, children or wanted children. I live a simple life in the mountains and I wanted to find someone who wanted that as well. I met a lot of men through online dating.

    I got rid of family and friends a long time ago. They were toxic and made me feel worse. I'm happy with my solitude and I know I can always rely on myself. But again, that s me, I don't need social situations for fulfillment where many others do.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi @alphonso and welcome to the forum. I am sorry you are having difficulty forming relationships and frienships, I am too. Just wanted you to know you are not alone and therapy might be the answer :) Have you seen a doctor about your depression? Are you on medications? I wish you all the best. You deserve to be treated with respect and are, here we understand :)
  4. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum :)
  5. alphonso

    alphonso Member

  6. TonyHill

    TonyHill Member

    I know exactly how you feel.The funny thing is that sometimes you meet someone who you think is gonna become something more,but if never what you expect,cause sometimes people just dont care.Its like they have a chip in there brains that limits they weirdness,because im weird,but good weird,im a very improvise person.But aparrently people cant be weird,they wont lose thereself to just go for it,and they wont le me in.
  7. alphonso

    alphonso Member

    I hear you m
    I know what you mean. I'm a little weird myself cause I look at things differently and even know things people wouldn't expect an everyday person to know.
    TonyHill likes this.
  8. TonyHill

    TonyHill Member

    Exactly!,thats how I feel.