My depression is at rock bottom again. I want to die. I want to die now. This is the most awful period of my life. In the last month I have been in 2 different ERs, a partial hospital program, and in the inpatient unit of 2 different hospitals. I don't do well in the hospital setting. I become an ogre. I hate everyone and everything. The 2 hospitals I was in had terrible programs. The quality of care in hospitals has seriously declined. I cannot stand being in one. And here I am suicidal and belong in one. I just can't go there! I would rather die than go back to the hospital. I am afraid to call a hotline because they will just call the sheriffs. I don't want to call my psychiatrist because she will insist I go to the hospital. I can't do this any more.