Feeling my worst - again!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BipolarOne, Jul 13, 2014.

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  1. BipolarOne

    BipolarOne Active Member

    I am home alone. I am feeling suicidal. I was supposed to go to the ER yesterday to be sent to inpatient hospital, but I have had such terrible experiences with inpatient stays in May and June, I had a panic attack, and decided to not go the ER at all. I should not be home alone. I am in the very worst depression of my life. I am hurting so badly. I want to die. I desperately would like to OD, but I have given my bottles of pills to a T and a Pdoc. I am not a violent person, and cannot bring myself to use any violent methods to end my life. So here I sit, suffering alone, and trying to distract myself by being on the computer.

    To all of you feeling the same way, we are in this together. Let us draw strength from one another and keep ourselves safe.
  2. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you aren't feeling well, but I share your feelings. I have schizophrenia and it has been really bad the last few years. I always wish that I were dead, like I just can't take it anymore.
  3. BipolarOne

    BipolarOne Active Member

    Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. It really is hard to keep going. I wish science could find a way to help us - without medication. I am in TMS treatments. They have not helped yet and I have had 16 treatments so far. Instead, the magnetic pulses pounding on both sides of my brain hurt so bad and are so uncomfortable that it makes my depression even worse!

    I hope that something will happen to make you feel better. I don't know what it could be like to have schizophrenia, but I know that Bipolar is in the same temporal area. There is a very thin line between our diagnoses. I am trying very hard to distract myself to avoid my dark thoughts. What do you do to keep distracted, and sane?
  4. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    I have been in the hospital many times. Some short stays and a few long ones. Was there in May. I did not want to go, but in the end it was the best thing I have done for myself in a long time. After I was released I also gave up my stash of meds. I was surprised how hard that was. I am glad I did it though. I have been told I might have bi-polar disorder also. I have alot of other issues so they are not sure. So I do get how you are feeling.
    To cope and stay sane.... I listen to music. Very loud stuff
  5. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Trust me, I know what that is like, my mother was going to hospitalize me this morning after cutting myself. When am I not at work I am always home alone and feel most desperate and depressed with anxiety during these times, it feels like i am suffocating.

    Maybe you can try and talk to someone on the phone, in person, or through instant message or something. Also maybe try watching something on tv, or listen to music, or maybe eat something, anything to kill time so that you don't feel like this for long. But trust me, I know how you feel, and I am going through it right now.
  6. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    It's not easy, but I try to do things to distract myself from it. I spend a lot of time on the computer, listening to music and watching tv. I also go out to eat pretty much everyday.
  7. jamie7718

    jamie7718 Member

    I am also at the point where I could just go to the cupboard and take all the tablets in the house, My life used to be ok not great but I had parts of it that I enjoyed. Now ive got nothing to live for other than shame and depression. If it wasnt for my mother and sister I would do it without a second thought. I feel so trapped I cant breath. Just want it to be over.
  8. BipolarOne

    BipolarOne Active Member

    Jamie, I am so sorry that you too are going through a really rough patch. I feel like my life is unproductive and such a waste. I have similar feelings about wanting it to end. I do have a really good therapist who is helping me through is. Do you have some support like that?
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