I am home alone. I am feeling suicidal. I was supposed to go to the ER yesterday to be sent to inpatient hospital, but I have had such terrible experiences with inpatient stays in May and June, I had a panic attack, and decided to not go the ER at all. I should not be home alone. I am in the very worst depression of my life. I am hurting so badly. I want to die. I desperately would like to OD, but I have given my bottles of pills to a T and a Pdoc. I am not a violent person, and cannot bring myself to use any violent methods to end my life. So here I sit, suffering alone, and trying to distract myself by being on the computer. To all of you feeling the same way, we are in this together. Let us draw strength from one another and keep ourselves safe.