Hello to all: Having been a liar and cheat for virtually all my adult life, I now face immediate and devastating consequences of my evasions and fraudulent behavior. And true pathological coward that I am, I now find myself spasmodically lurching toward ending my life to avoid facing those consequences. I am broke, behind in bills and rent and will soon face imminent homelessness. I have lied to friends and effectively stolen from them in the sense that I've borrowed money that I have no prospect of repaying. I have a "job" that I work out of my home, but have been unable to do it for the past 8 months due to anxiety and chronic depression. I have no idea whether my depression is due to chemical imbalances in the brain or just a chronically bad attitude and correspondingly bad behavior. I have asked another friend for a short-term loan but he is effectively avoiding me for the moment and I think his answer will be no. I truly feel that his "no" or continued silence will be the snapping of the rope for me. I have no close family so nobody is really going to be hurt by me checking out. My mindset veers between immersing myself in pure fantasy as an escape to an absolutely molten white-hot self-loathing. The self loathing leads to a feeling of "you reaped what you sowed....ending your life would be pure justice for a wasted, corrupt and empty existence." Sorry for the ramble....I am sitting here in the dark just blurting things out. Dunno how long I'll be around.....but thanks in advance for anyone who reads. Falco.