feeling numb

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by pfg0207, Apr 13, 2007.

  1. pfg0207

    pfg0207 Member

    my uncle ( and very close friend)pete had suffered for years with depression we got close 18 mths ago after his marrage breakup he became dependant on alcohol last summer in august he was admitted to a psyc unit with my help and gentle nudging as he tried to take his life he then left there 6 wks later after docs said there was nothing more they could do and said he would have to get help for his alcoholism so he tried and tried but seemed to lack motivation but seemed hopeful when i would do things for him and go to appointment with him 3 weeks a go he ended up back in the psyc unit (same one as b4 ) where a week after admitting himself for suicidal feelings he hung himself i dont really know wat or how to feel i feel like i have let him down so badly he must have felt so lost and alone we loved him more than anything he said he knew that i feel so sad for him he was so tormented that we couldnt save him i just needed to get this off my chest to people who have been there and understand maybe wat he was going through thanx for reading this x
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear this, it sounds like you went through an awful lot together, and you helped him endlessly.

    It's all very new to you, so anything you feel is ok. Allow yourself time to grieve for him. Try to keep talking about how you feel, also maybe consider getting some sort of bereavement counselling for yourself as this much be awful. Also, there might be support groups around for those that have lost loved ones, or lost loved ones to suicide, it might be worth you seeing if there is anything out there that you could go to.

    It is common in grief to blame yourself, to feel guilty, to ask 'what if...' but if you stand back and look at what you did for him, you clearly did an awful lot, more than could ever be expected of you. You did your best to help him help himself and no one could expect anything else.

    Sometimes a person does not want to be saved. You mentioned before that he lacked motivation, and it might be that whilst he wanted to feel better, he didn't want to give the effort. Maybe it was too scary. But you can't do anything unless someone wants to get better. Yet you did, you gave everything. Please don't feel you have let him down. You seem to have done more than anyone else, reached out when no one else would, helped him to get support and was there when he needed you. That's not letting someone down. That is giving your all to someone, and you should try to draw comfort in what you have done for him Also, you probably helped him live longer than he might otherwise have done, which is an amazing thing too.

    He knew you loved him and that is the most important thing. That will have stopped him feeling alone because he knew you loved him. That love probably kept him going for a long time before his illness got too much. Try and draw comfort from this too. A lot of people believe that no one loves them, so for him to know you loved him, that's a tremendous thing.

    He was clearly very ill, but no one could have saved him apart from himself. You could do anything and everything, but if he didn't want to be saved, he wouldn't be.

    You did more for him, to help him, and offer him hope than anyone else, no one could have done more.

    I hope that it helped in some little way to write it out.

    Hang in there and look after yourself.
  3. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    I am really sorry to rread of your pain with your feelings for uncle Pete. I know you must feel confused, helpless and out of it.
    I did have suicide in the family, but was so very young.

    One thing, don't blame yourself. Like Scum says he was ill in his mind/brain and only saw one thing. I would suggest reading posts here and chatting with other survivors so that you can see thru the fog. It helps to know you are not the only person on the earth thinking/feeling like you do.

    Please keep us aware of how you are.
    Stay safe too
  4. pfg0207

    pfg0207 Member

    yeah i know he couldnt bear life anymore and is better where he is but he checked himself in to get help then just gave up thats soooo frustrating is it normal to just feel nothin i loved him more than i can say but i cant feel anythin im worried im just gonna explode one day i keep thinkin grief should b painful and terrible and i just cant get it to flow:mellow:
  5. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    I'm dealing with losses now too. Life and people. I can understand your uncle a little.
    Since I take meds to help me sleep I don't recall my dreams. Yet, when I just wake up, I'll start to remember very vivid things of the past.

    It may help to know that things occur in life (divorce, depression) that causes some of us to be overwhelmed and not cope.

    I am keeping my notebook on table nearby and forcing myself to get things out on paper. That is cuz I feel numb and hollow in my heart and body. It may not make sense. I have journals from long ago. It is interesting to read them now.

    Only you will know if it is time to share/talk with others in person. It might be good to try. You can call a crisis line and ask to share your grief or get resource/other numbers. That could be a start. Look in phone book.
  6. pfg0207

    pfg0207 Member

    i have tried to express how i feel in words but wen i say it it sounds like strange confused ramblings because i dont understand and have so many questions that will never have answers i just keep going over and over them even very graphic facts about how he did it and i had to id him and things about that are a struggle too its just kinda messed up strangely my own depression seems insignificent im not sure if its in there somewhere i worry it is and will burst out with all of the other emotions of pete's death putting it down on paper (well typing it ) is therapy in itself its amazing how just knowing i have a way of getting it seems to make it manageable