Hey guys, Just looking for some insight or inspiration here. This is my first post. I have been having problems with depression for a large majority of my life. The depression really set in after a long stint of being strung out on xanax (taking 10-20 mg a day). I spent a lot of money and maxed out a lot of credit cards and even got a loan co-signed by mother to try and build a project car that never happened. Now I stuck with a lot of debt and nothing to show for it. I was admitted to the psych unit at my local hospital after trying to OD on kpins and alcohol combined with a pack of smokes. That was about a year ago. Now I am employed and have a beautiful wife. I have struggled threw the ups and downs threw the past couple of months with no medication, the month I went to my family Dr to get some help for sleep and that went on for a while and after seeing a psychologist and pshychiatrist along with a cardiologist I have been diagnosed with OCD BiPolar stage two and VT. I am on a cocktail of meds for these things, and recently went into SVT after throwing a good friend of mine a party while he was home on leave from the navy. While I went threw this episode of SVT I could feel myself slipping away. And it just felt like everything was ok and I had no fight left in my system to stay conscious or perhaps slip into what ever it is after this life. Thankfully the EMT's gave me a shot of something that got me breathing again and back into the stay alive mood so to speak. I have been extremely upset with myself because I was going to let everyone I love down by leaving them here because I just wanted it all to be over with. Ever since then I have almost completely quit drinking and I exercise regularly and I lost 30+ pounds (205 down to 175, I'm male and 5' 11") over a month and a few days. Now today I am for some reason feeling really down and out of it. I am way behind on my production for this month at work and I am two payments late on the loan my mom co-signed for. I just feel like giving up. I have been busting my ass trying to catch up but I have just ran out of steam. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I have so many goals in life but they just seem so unobtainable right now. Any insight would be much appreciated.