Feeling out and down for the count

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Spillman, Aug 26, 2009.

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  1. Spillman

    Spillman New Member

    Hey guys,
    Just looking for some insight or inspiration here. This is my first post. I have been having problems with depression for a large majority of my life. The depression really set in after a long stint of being strung out on xanax (taking 10-20 mg a day). I spent a lot of money and maxed out a lot of credit cards and even got a loan co-signed by mother to try and build a project car that never happened. Now I stuck with a lot of debt and nothing to show for it.

    I was admitted to the psych unit at my local hospital after trying to OD on kpins and alcohol combined with a pack of smokes. That was about a year ago. Now I am employed and have a beautiful wife. I have struggled threw the ups and downs threw the past couple of months with no medication, the month I went to my family Dr to get some help for sleep and that went on for a while and after seeing a psychologist and pshychiatrist along with a cardiologist I have been diagnosed with OCD BiPolar stage two and VT. I am on a cocktail of meds for these things, and recently went into SVT after throwing a good friend of mine a party while he was home on leave from the navy.

    While I went threw this episode of SVT I could feel myself slipping away. And it just felt like everything was ok and I had no fight left in my system to stay conscious or perhaps slip into what ever it is after this life. Thankfully the EMT's gave me a shot of something that got me breathing again and back into the stay alive mood so to speak.

    I have been extremely upset with myself because I was going to let everyone I love down by leaving them here because I just wanted it all to be over with. Ever since then I have almost completely quit drinking and I exercise regularly and I lost 30+ pounds (205 down to 175, I'm male and 5' 11") over a month and a few days.

    Now today I am for some reason feeling really down and out of it. I am way behind on my production for this month at work and I am two payments late on the loan my mom co-signed for. I just feel like giving up. I have been busting my ass trying to catch up but I have just ran out of steam. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I have so many goals in life but they just seem so unobtainable right now.

    Any insight would be much appreciated.
  2. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    I wish i could give you an insight I realy do, loosing so much weight and getting married and moving on with your life must have been a real boost of confidence for you.
    is there a debt company who can help you with the loan? most creditors are quiet reasonable if you explain the situation to them.
    Please dont ignore it, it will only get worse, talk to your crediters and a debt specialist, im sure they will be able to help.

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