Where to begin? I'm in my senior sequence here at school, preparing for my CPhT national exams and impending externship. Things are hectic to say the least. There are drug reports, finals, etc. The frightening part is: This is the most successful I've ever been in life. My stint in the military ended with a medical discharge, I tried my hand at vet tech school, all of them ended in abysmal failure because of my inability to process the stress and depression. I've seen this current endeavor to it's bitter end, I'm making good grades and I'm almost at the finish line. But I feel like deliberately tripping myself to save myself from any projected failure. I feel overwhelmed by it all and this makes me feel that if I can do this, how could I ever succeed at anything? I'm afraid what success will mean for me. I've been a cutter for nearly 8 years; it was something I picked up in the military as a coping mechanism. It helped me manage the stress of my job and was something of a twisted pick-me-up until it turned into a means of punishment. I've gone through periods of relative calm to times where I was cutting on a daily basis. The past 3 years have been relatively good for me; I found a great therapist, live in a wonderful town and my older brother lives close by. Only last Wednesday did things come to a climax and I cut after nearly 6 months of abstinence. Fortunately I took that Thursday off and on Friday the cuts were nicely scabbing so I told everyone I fell off my bike and scratched my arm up. I don't know where I'm going with this; I can feel the stress returning and I need an outlet.