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Feeling Overwhelmed

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Yoko, Aug 13, 2014.

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  1. Yoko

    Yoko Seeker of Darkness

    Please forgive any spelling errors. I am new to using the iPhone. I am not new to forums however. I hope to find some help here. I am struggling.

    Is it normal to be jealous like this? Jealous of the dead? Jealous of those who commit suicide? I don't know why I feel this way. I have for about 10-15 years now.

    I have I diagnosed depression. I know I have it. It's beyond obvious. I didn't want to be on meds. I heard what they're like and what they do. I don't want that. I wanted to try to get through this myself, but it's obvious I can't do that either. What do I do? Where do I go from here? I've read so much about depression. I don't know everything there is to know, but I know a lot about it. Learning about Robin Williams death hit me hard. I'm trying to grasp reality and gather things from articles and blogs about suicide. Maybe in an effort to avoid that Fate myself. But... I'm met with frustration and confusion just like is always have been when bad things happen.

    To give a bit of backstory to the past couple months I've had. I am 25. My dad walked out on his family in May. He decided one day that we hate him and didn't want him around anymore. He has limited the money he gives us, and blames is whenever things go wrong. My mom can't work. She is disabled and can't walk very well. I have an entry level job on the aviation industry. I make an entry level salary yet work my ass off. I have found myself trying to support my now 4 person family with my salary and only 300 dollars a week from my father. All while battling the depression I've had since I was 10.

    I don't know of I have a right to complain. There are countries at war, people in poverty, etcetera. I put on a face to people I see everyday. Some days I'm ok. Other days, like today I'm falling apart and don't know what to do or where to turn. I have suicidal thoughts when I get depressed like this, and it upsets the friend that tries to help me. It upsets my mother because her sister committed suicide 15 years ago... It's all over the news. I read the news because I try to keep up with current events. But, I'm overwhelmed. So overwhelmed.

    Does anyone have advise?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your mother needs to step in now and get the supports she needs and deserves from your father she needs to take him to court ok so you do not have to support anyone but yourself
    He should not be able to just walk away get your mother to legally get him to pay matrimony support and child support as well legally he has to
  3. LoganMorgan

    LoganMorgan Member

    Those are good ideas Total E.

    Yoko I know how you feel. I was sort of jealous of Robin Williams too, and for the same reasons a you. We don't care about his money or talent or fame, we wish the pain would stop. You've been depressed for years so you know you can get through this to a better day. Give yourself that chance.

    Also, try the medication. I've taken Citalopram with really positive results. I've been off of it now for a while because it makes me drowsy, but I think I'll get back on because it really was helping.
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Sorry that you are feeling low. You are young and I commend you trying to support your family through thus difficult time. Please speak to someone about your feelings. Do think you are alone in suffering from depression. Please continue to post for support and care.
  5. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    There is you and your mother- both adults- how old are your brothers and sisters? You say he is giving some support- but why are you responsible for the other support? So long as you are supporting them it means they likely will not qualify for any social services assistance if putting it down as a "household" income so your mother may want to look at how she is reporting her household as neither you nor your income should be counted. If your brothers/sisters are near your age and also adults then it is very unlikely that any more support is on the way from your father legally.

    So far as meds- yes there are sometimes side effects but over 80% of people respond well to medication so presuming you will not is really not doing yourself any favors at all.
  6. Yoko

    Yoko Seeker of Darkness

    I appreciate your responses.

    I have an older brother who is 27. He is depressed as well and has a deadbeat job. I wish he'd get something better, but he won't.
    My sister is 19, jobless, and no longer in school. It's hard to tell how hard she's been hit by this situation, but it is showing that she is feeling poorly.
    I am putting my own money into the pot because we have a lot of bills to pay. Bills that my idiot father has said my brother and I need to work out between ourselves. I can't just not pay these bills, but some cuts have been made. Still puts the stress on my because I actually make more than my brother..and my brother spends his money on who knows what. As far as any paperwork, once anyone gets around to doing any, it has been advised we not count my income as household income. My car is listed under my own name. My brother has a licence, but is not allowed to drive it. I basically pay my own bills and pitch in where I can. With the ~300 a week we get, we can manage, but food is a bit of an issue. I am trying to eat healthy while I debate the prospect of taking meds, but if I can't eat as healthy as I need, meds might be the thing to off-set that.

    Thank you for your understanding. :hug:

    I have made an appointment with my doctor. We'll see what happens as a result, but I'm not looking forward to it. I did some research on the drug you mentioned. I saw one of the side effects is insomnia, but you mentioned it makes you drowsy. I don't want to increase me caffeine intake, and I hate hate hate feeling drowsy when driving. It might be something I'll have to bring up with my doctor. Everyone reacts differently to different medications. I hate that whole trial and error phase, but if it helps, i might not have too much choice in the matter.

    I do agree a lawyer needs to be called. I have asked one be called quite a few times now. Lawyers are expensive though, and money is the one thing we can't spare.

    As for the situation, what's done is done.

    Thank you! I came here to seek advise from like-minded people. I don't normally have bad days like that, but it feels nice to vent and not get judged. Thank you so much everyone.
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