feeling really bad

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by marjoke, Dec 9, 2011.

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  1. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    It's my first time here, a friend lead me the way on here
    What if you don't feel the 'joy' of living anymore?
    what if the only thing you can think about is how to leave this world and this miserable life?
    I'm feeling really, really bad and I don't know how long I can carrie it all with me...this life is so bad...I don't want it anymore...
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forums marjoke. I'm glad you found us. :smile:

    What's making life so bad/miserable for you?
  3. Arthur

    Arthur Account Closed

    Hey Marjoke!

    You need to blossom like the beautiful flower you are.
    I'm here to help, and you'll see... you'll meet nice people on this forum too!
  4. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    You're in the right place for support and encouragement. Lots of caring people.
  5. Nobody00

    Nobody00 Active Member

    I know talking about one self and talking about problems that you have can be very difficult. So if you dont want to tell that fine just dont forget that there are many people on here that are felling similiar to you and that will gladly help you. Just find that one thing that keep you going. it doesnt need to be somthing big.
  6. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    I'll try to explain what's happened that I feel very bad right now but forgive me, my english is not very good...and I often don't find the right words but I'll try

    I met my boyfriend about 8 years ago... everything was going very well and we were happy with eachother. We decide after 3.5 years being a couple to live together, so I moved in with him... it was heaven, it was so perfect...too good to be true... 4 months later... my boyfriend had a caraccident caused by a drunken driver and... my boyfriend died... My life stood still...We also had just discovered that I was pregnant but 10 days after the day I lost my friend...I also lost my (our) unborned baby...My life was miserable and very sad for a long time... In that period I tried 2 times to commit suicide but unfotunally I failed... After more than 2 years I thought I had given everything a place, that I had found peace again in my life... Untill 6 weeks ago... I was (still am) a nurse at oncology... At work there was a young patient who lost his fight against the cancer... and I broke down completely... Since then I'm unable to do my work... Everything that has happend 4 years ago came back and I crashed... I don't see why I should go on with this life... All I want is to be re√ľnated with my lost love... All I can think about is dying... I don't know... I don't want to be here anymore... There is nothing more to life for...
    Sorry for everything...
  7. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    WE ARE your friends here.
  8. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    Thank you... but maybe it's better to have no friends... so you can't disappoint them or hurt them when things are going terribly wrong... I'm in the fase that nothing matters anymore to me and I'm afraid that in a short time I choose to step out this horrible life...it feels so bad and I'm desperate...there is no hope left for me...I don't know but it is going all very wrong with me right now

    ---------- Post added at 11:31 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:30 AM ----------

    see further... I've tried to wrote down why I feel this way...
  9. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    dont worry. i will NOT be disappointed.
  10. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    you will be...once
  11. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    no i wont.
  12. nonopano

    nonopano Active Member

    Dear friend,

    Do not think of disaoppointing friends as a barrier for you not to have one. Please realize that people are not always seeking pleasure or meeting all their expectations. Some of us are willing to learn about other people, be it a sad life or a happy life or a tragic one. The thing is you have every life has a meaning, and offers an opportunity to learn. Therefore, no matter how we call ourselves disappointing or meaningless, you'll always have a meaning.

    We are willing to learn more about you, and offer support. Please feel free to share.
  13. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    I really don't know the meaning of my miserable life...
    It's so useless, so meaningless, so hopeless...it's a real nightmare to me, there is nothing left to live for...
    sorry , I always complain...
    sorry, I feel really bad... I just better leave :cry:

    ---------- Post added at 07:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:44 PM ----------

    I can only hope you won't...
  14. Arthur

    Arthur Account Closed

    Dear Marjoke,

    I've missed you... i thought a lot about you, i'm glad you're posting what you're going through here so that we can offer you support.
    You're a kind person, never forget that.
    You can always private message me or call me.
    Give yourself some time to heal, it takes time to process the loss of loved ones.
    Together we'll beat depression Marjoke :hug:
    Hope to chat to you soon, my thoughts are with you.
  15. Severijn

    Severijn Well-Known Member

    Hi marjoke.

    I understand your feelings came back again when that person died of cancer where you work.

    Have you talked about this with a supervisor at work? Or perhaps a therapist? Dealing with this alone is very hard. Someone that listens to you can do you good.
  16. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    I'm in therapy but it seems it's not working for me anymore... All I want is...dying...not feel the pain anymore, I can't hold it no more...

    ---------- Post added at 09:49 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:32 AM ----------

    Dear Arthur,

    Thanks for your concern and your nice words...I'm touched by that but I can't hold it no more....things are hurting so much and I can't live with that pain en those sorrows anymore...
    sorry for everything en thanks for being there...

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