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Feeling really down

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#1
I dont know how to keep on going. I can't live like this anymore.
I can't see a way out. I cant even ask for help. I cant talk to people. I know hapiness comes from within, and i should not be dependant on others.
My problem is complete loneliness. The few people i have around me are not much help, as they dont know of the hell thats going on inside my head. I cant tell them, because they have problems of their own. Also, i have been depressed for about 10 years now. I feel better here and there, but its still a constant fight. No one takes me seriouy anymore on this. Everyone is depressed now days. What's so special about me? Its stupid to expect people to help me. I see how miserable they themselves are...

I am alone all the time, its been a long time. Lately its getting unbarable. I try to do all sorts of stuff to feel happy, like hobbies and stuff, but most evenings i just return to the same realisation that i have nothing that gets me out of bed. Nothing that makes me laugh. No one who could pull me back to reality. I am so lost in my thoughts. And i just keep thinking about suicide, over and over again.
I love life. But i cant take this anymore. Getting up, falling, getting up again, falling twice, etc. Who am i doing this for? Why am i even trying?

My life is empty and cold. I once thought that i dont need anyone. Now i know, that life is worthless without love. Solitude rots and turns into loneliness if you lose control. And loneliness cripples. It eats away your sanity and your soul. Then one day you understand you have killed yourself a long time ago without even realising it.
Love your family, love your friends. Love your pets, love everyone you have a conversation with. Love your ability to communicate, love yourself and dont shut the world out. Tell people how you feel, allow them in and dont abandon yourself. You are great and everything is going to be alright.
Thats what i would say to me 10 years ago. Now i feel like its too late. The damage is too deep. I pushed everyone away, and every day is a consequece of my mistake.
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#2
Hello IDontWanttoDie,

I'm lonely too. It's the worst. It eats away at everything. I have been burying myself in work and it's only exhausted me. I even do great things at my job - meaning, I always get really good feedback, but that feeling that I've done something worthwhile always fades. And then it's just me with my thoughts.

I have people in my life and I still feel incredibly lonely. It's hard. I don't have advice, only empathy. I related to what you said about already feeling like you've killed yourself. I hope you can find something to hold onto, and that thing brings you happiness.
 

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#3
Hello IDontWanttoDie,

I'm lonely too. It's the worst. It eats away at everything. I have been burying myself in work and it's only exhausted me. I even do great things at my job - meaning, I always get really good feedback, but that feeling that I've done something worthwhile always fades. And then it's just me with my thoughts.

I have people in my life and I still feel incredibly lonely. It's hard. I don't have advice, only empathy. I related to what you said about already feeling like you've killed yourself. I hope you can find something to hold onto, and that thing brings you happiness.
Thank you. Same thing 2 you
Love
 

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