I am so sad today that it hurts. I feel like there is nothing left to keep me going. I have lost so many friends to aids, about 50. I have to say that I am so jealous of them. I wish I was one of them that died. I am so lonely that all I have in my life is work. It is a job in a restaurant and at least it keeps me in contact with people. I have even made some friends there that know me by name or request me to wait on them. It is probably the only thing that makes me happy. My body is racked with physical pain and I struggle daily with emotional stress. I have no insurance, can't afford it. I rely on the county for my meds. The only med that is seemingly working is my anti anxiety med. I guess my depression med is working too. I would probably be more depressed. When I wake up in the morning it is hard to move. I have trouble walking. I know that many of your are in worse shape than me and, trust me, I feel for you. I wish I could say that I would pray for you, but my belief in any type of God is gone. I use really believe in God, but don't anymore. It hurts not to have that belief, but any shread of goodness that I use to see in the world really escapes me. I am too focused on myself. I feel profound guilt over that. I am going on here. I feel like dying everyday. I wake up and say, oh crap, another day. I only wish for one thing, to be happy if even for a few minutes. To loose happiness is a huge loss. Guess it is not in my cards. For anyone that reads this post, I thank you. Venting here to my "electronic friends" is important to me. Grin, I wish this forum had a spellcheck program.