Feeling really hopeless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chalk, Sep 13, 2012.

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  1. Chalk

    Chalk New Member

    I'm at a point where I think about suicide every day. I've suffered from anxiety & depression for a number of year. I've had episodes where I've become fused with certain ideas & become obsessive & suicidal. My boyfriend of 6 1/2 years broke up our relationship 2 months ago. He was my world. I had a very stressful job which caused me to burnout. At this time I felt so down & unhappy I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. He broke up with me saying we weren't right for each other. I wanted to marry him. I anted to spend the rest of my life with him. I've had to move half way across the country to live with my parents in my home town. I built up a life over 8 years in that city. I've lost him, my job which took years to get, my home, my pets, our friends. Here I have nothing. I'm a shy girl who takes a while to get to know people. There is nothing here for me. I am nothing and I feel like I don't want to even try. I miss his arms around me. I worked so unbelievably hard to get where I was and build my own life. I feel so anxious and depressed everyday. I can't cope. I feel like I'm going to kill myself. I have no understanding this situation. I feel too old for this. I thought my moods would improve when things were stable but he was my stability. I'm seeing a counsellor at the moment & have been on antidepressants for a long time. I feel if I were back home with him I could start to recover from my work issues and start again. I can't find pleasure in anything any more. I can't change how I think. I just want to go home. I wish I could be more logical about it but I can't I feel abandoned.
     
  2. Artsy

    Artsy New Member

    chalk, i kind of know how you feel. i moved here 12 yrs ago to help my only sis with our aging parents. because of the demands of family i never had time to make friends here. the reason i didn't live near my family was a long history of abuse by mom, so it was extreme duty that made me move, leaving better employment chances and all kinds of friends. i was established there, it was a big city that had become my town. here, it was mostly the psychological torture of being near mo and the emo torture of watching beloved pop sicken and die. now i am free ha ha but stuck in a dumb job, too close to retiring to leave. i hate this town so much, i never have fit in and all i want to do is turn time back or something. i'm still in love with a ghost, too, so i know how that hurts. it's hard to look at life with any enthusiasm because i feel so alone here. i too have been in therapy since i moved here, and i guess i'm still alive, but most days i'm already sobbing before i open the front door when i come home. i really feel for you, chalk. i wish you could at least move back to where you lived. you must still have some frinds who care, who know what you went through in the break-up. can you at least go visit one and see if you could find a job? i found the parental nest completely toxic due to family patterns - they let mom abuse me and never stood up for me. maybe your folks are more nurturing. you should try to contact one of your old friends there before it's too late. maybe job prospects are better there. i took what i could get here as it's a real dead end town, but it's a so-not-me job. maybe i have no business advising you, but i do know how you feel. perhaps though he is not part of your recovery, since he would not stand by you when you needed him to. you are skilled and can get past your job issues. you know what burned you out before, perhaps you can start fresh in a new position with the same skillset. there are lots of burnout jobs that people understand you have to take a break from now and then. you are not alone in your loeliness here. -Artsy
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Having lost my partner after 10 years I know exactly where you are......you are grieving!

    Let the grief run its course, it takes time, talk about it, cry over it, scream rant and rave if thats what it takes.
    There is no quick fix for a broken heart, it takes time and time does heal it. (and no I didnt believe that either till I got there).
    Give yourself time. :hug:
     
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