im just thinking so much at the moment.it hurt so bad.it like my inside is asking for help,and i cant get help,like i know i need to do something like maybe go into a psch unit or something.it like i feel it what i need,but people around me,would not think this,but they dont know how bad i strugging each wakeing hours of each day.and im really close to takeing my life.it not that i really want to do this,it just i dont know how to deal with this pain anymore.it like im crying from the inside out,or something..i was abuse all my life,and right now i keep getting flashbk of everythings,and i really cant deal with this anymore.they scared me,and sometime im feeling like im there getting hurt,it like im watching my self get hurt,and it hurt so much.im so small.my world is so dark,there no light in it anymore. i keep looking up bad things to hurt my self,i dont know why im doing this really. i do have a T,who i see each week,but it just ugh.and she has her own problem at the moment,and i feel i just add to her problem,so im not talking to her right now. im not happy.like there so many things running in my head tonight,and i cant shut them up.it hurt just to think what a shit life i had with the past abuse.and i keep telling my self,maybe if i was better child,maybe they would of left me alone.but they did not,so i dont know.i just scared is all. i just feel so alone in this world,and that no one care about me,which is ok i sopose,as im used to it,as i had that when i was small.never get food.and not bath.so i was dirty all the time. i just wish i understand why me.but i must be bad,and something wrong with me.i feel so evil inside and out.my blood is so wrong.i just feel so worthless right now.i just want to be clean,but i dont know how to be.i just want to be like everyone eles in this world,but that never going to happer.i dont have no friends,i dont have no one in this world,that really understand what it like for me in my life.it so loney in my life.it just really awfull right now. i wish it was not,but it is. i sometime feel like i cant deal with this one more day.i just want to keep fighting,but i just want to,but cant. i walk in town,and peole seem so happy with there family,and i just walk,or sit down,and just feel so alone,like there no one who want to ask me if im ok,or something.sometime i just want to cry,still there no more left,but i hateing crying so much.