feeling really low!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by rubyshelly, Mar 9, 2015.

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  1. rubyshelly

    rubyshelly Member

    im just thinking so much at the moment.it hurt so bad.it like my inside is asking for help,and i cant get help,like i know i need to do something like maybe go into a psch unit or something.it like i feel it what i need,but people around me,would not think this,but they dont know how bad i strugging each wakeing hours of each day.and im really close to takeing my life.it not that i really want to do this,it just i dont know how to deal with this pain anymore.it like im crying from the inside out,or something..i was abuse all my life,and right now i keep getting flashbk of everythings,and i really cant deal with this anymore.they scared me,and sometime im feeling like im there getting hurt,it like im watching my self get hurt,and it hurt so much.im so small.my world is so dark,there no light in it anymore. i keep looking up bad things to hurt my self,i dont know why im doing this really. i do have a T,who i see each week,but it just ugh.and she has her own problem at the moment,and i feel i just add to her problem,so im not talking to her right now. im not happy.like there so many things running in my head tonight,and i cant shut them up.it hurt just to think what a shit life i had with the past abuse.and i keep telling my self,maybe if i was better child,maybe they would of left me alone.but they did not,so i dont know.i just scared is all. i just feel so alone in this world,and that no one care about me,which is ok i sopose,as im used to it,as i had that when i was small.never get food.and not bath.so i was dirty all the time. i just wish i understand why me.but i must be bad,and something wrong with me.i feel so evil inside and out.my blood is so wrong.i just feel so worthless right now.i just want to be clean,but i dont know how to be.i just want to be like everyone eles in this world,but that never going to happer.i dont have no friends,i dont have no one in this world,that really understand what it like for me in my life.it so loney in my life.it just really awfull right now. i wish it was not,but it is. i sometime feel like i cant deal with this one more day.i just want to keep fighting,but i just want to,but cant. i walk in town,and peole seem so happy with there family,and i just walk,or sit down,and just feel so alone,like there no one who want to ask me if im ok,or something.sometime i just want to cry,still there no more left,but i hateing crying so much.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Rubyshell, I know you are.hurting and I.understand you are low but you are a strong person. Yes, you see many people being happy but you do not what they are feeling. You need to stay strong and that will help get through the day. Yes, you may see that everyday is the same day but it will change.

    You are not worthless as what happened in the past hurts you. If you feel that admiting yourself helps then please seek medical advice beforehand. You need to keep posting here as you truly deserve the support.

    Take care and be safe. We care about you and remember that.
  3. rubyshelly

    rubyshelly Member

    Feel,so depress. Just want to give on.
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No Rubyshelly. You have been so strong,never give in. I know it's hard but be strong. I know it's easy to give in but that's not the answer. You cannot give in as YOU are important. Yes, life is hard for you but we are here to.support you. The past cannot be forgotten which I understand but you try your best to deal with it on a daily basis. Be strong, I know it's hard in reality.
  5. Tjh

    Tjh Active Member

    Hi ruby, I'm sorry that you're so unhappy, but please do something to help yourself, whether it be seeking professional help or reaching out to friends or family. I know right now you might be feeling that things won't get better, but that's the depression talking. One days things will get better, so please hold on to hope of that.
  6. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    Hi Ruby,

    Victims of childhood abuse often feel evil, dirty or "wrong" inside. I know I did. This is a horrible way to feel and it makes it very hard to get through the day - the pain can be intolerable. Therapy can definitely help with this but it sounds like you need something more intense than what you are getting right now. Any chances of seeing your therapist more frequently or even going into a hospital? I don't know what is available in Australia but I once spent some time on a PTSD unit geared towards survivors of childhood abuse and it was extraordinarily helpful. Something like that would really help you. You need to talk with people who have been through similar experiences and know how you feel.
  7. Vaughan

    Vaughan Well-Known Member

    We grow out thinking we're these individual little beings, and we have responsibility for ourselves. We're controlled by people with power over us - parents, managers at work, the law, and heck - just people bigger and tougher than you are. We kind of bob around in the stormy sea and sometimes wish our little boat would just sink. At least, I've felt that.

    It's wrong thinking though. Fact is, it's time to call in some reinforcements. We don't have to suffer alone, but our condition - in my case depression - forces us to do just that. What you need to do is to find the strength to peer over the side of your boat and see the glimmer of a lighthouse in the distance. That's help calling.

    Discuss it with loved ones. Open up. Involve professionals. Get assessed. You're afraid, but don't be afraid of being diagnosed.

    I could over each of your points, but frankly they're very much like my own. I'm fighting. You can too.
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