feeling really selfish

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Loco72, Apr 11, 2008.

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  1. Loco72

    Loco72 Well-Known Member

    I'll try and explain and so things make sense. I am in a 3 person relationship, and there are 3 kids. Well, I'm "In-Love" with J, but I love S dearly. The children are J's. Before I came along J and S had been together for something like 7 years. Well, J's mom is Really sick and she's been visiting her this past week and I've been missing her like crazy, and she was going to be coming back today. We live in the south and her mom is up north, so about 20 hour drive away. Well her mom 's health has gotten a lot worse really quickly, so she wanted her kids to go see their grandmother before it's too late, so S left last night to take them up. We couldn't afford all of them flying so they are driving. Well J is also staying to at least Sunday now. J and S both had to take unpaid time of work, so I ended up paying for all of them to go up, but I can't go myself because there wasn't room in the car. :(. I've only been around a couple months so it's really understandable that if someone had to stay it woul dbe me. I just miss J so much, and wish I could be there for her so badly.

    So last night was the first time in a long time that I thought about cutting again, I just felt so alone and overwhelmed, and it's not even my mother who's sick(wont go into my mother issues right now). I fought and didn't do it but today it's all I can think about, it's like i'm obsessing. Of course now I also feel guilty for getting so stressed and anxious, and it's all because I miss her and hate to see her sad. I can't even imagine what she is going through. ugh I hate myself sometimes
     
  2. Loco72

    Loco72 Well-Known Member

    Just found out that J's Mom's cancer is really bad. They are staying at least through Monday, so not sure what to expect. I'm so frustrated, I don't know what I can do, my heart aches for J, for what she must be feeling, going through. Then I miss her so much, I just want her to come home, so that makes me feel even more guilty...

    don't know what to do...
     
  3. April

    April Member

    HI there

    Your not the only one who feels guilty about this stuff. Cutting yourself has affected your mentality to centre the world aronund yourself slighty. It's kinda who your subconcious pleads you to look after yourself.

    Unfortunaly, social knowledge makes us guilty for this. It makes us regret the very feelings of regret to simply destory ourseles from the inside out. You cant let this happen.

    You cleary love these people. You care about them and miss them. You cant hurt yourself for their sake. You know they wouldnt want, you know that deep down you dont want it, and nor dose anyone else here. Im not trying to make feel worse because i know that when it comes down to it, as your doiing it, you couldnt realy care about others. This is normal, but while your still able to keep your hands steady enough to type you are in control of yourself and your actions. It you can hold onto that feeling and stay strong, then you wont give yourself anything to feel selfish about.

    Remember: Its human to think selfishly
    Its human to occationaly act selfishly
    Its human for the people around you to be upset


    dont worry about your thoughts, everyone on and off this site has shared them
     
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