i was taking the subway home tonight and the thought popped into my head, i wish i was dead. it's just so fucking hard to kill yourself. i know. od's don't work, nor does cutting your wrists. i'm scared of heights so will never go off a bridge. i've tried other methods in the past, with no success. just ended up in the hospital. thing is, i wish i could just stop all this pain. i wish i could stop all the memories. i am overwhelmed. i'm on meds and i go to therapy twice a week but the desire to hurt myself is so strong. it's like an addiction that my mind keeps returning to, over and over again. it's like self harming. i don't know how much longer i can go on without cutting. i need it. i want it. it won't let me go.