I KNOW I'm capable of doing it. When I had all those pills in my mouth last year - something I thought I would never be capable of - it made me realise I do have it in me to end it all. The past few weeks I've been feeling worse and worse, and I don't know why. I'm falling into old habits, and following the same trends of before - which ended with me doing something. I WANT to do it. But at the same time, I have my doubts. I just keep thinking back to how at the time I was 99.999999% sure I wanted to do it, *tried* to do it, then ended up feeling humiliated, full of regret, and just plain stupid when I snapped out of it. When I'm like this I know I'm being irrational, but right now it FEELS rational. I'm scared I might end up doing something stupid again. Today was quite unbearable.. my anxiety has returned and I hated being out. Haven't been that anxious being out in a long time. I just feel gross and empty.