I'm not sure I'm feeling suicidal at this moment so I'll put this here since it is something I just want to say. I feel guilty for not being here for sometime and not helping people but I guess it has been a few days. I do still pop in and lurk for a minute or two. Anyhow I'm not feeling much hope, I more so feel empty. I've been popping pills for a few days not to attempt but to get high and help me sleep. It's been messing up my stomach I think. I can't eat much. I guess it's good in a way because right now I can't afford food since I have to pay for my laptop repairs tomorrow. Friday is my birthday which I'm sure my father won't remember/do anything seeing as he owes me money and I will never see any of it back. All of the food in the house is labeled now. This includes eggs, milk, other necessities by labeled I mean claimed. I don't do this because I do care to provide for the 'family'. Unappreciative shits is more like it. I cleaned most of the house when I woke up. I still feel like crap from the od last night. I feel strange, like I don't want to tell anyone anything anymore. I don't want anyone to know me anymore. Everyone in my life is pissing me off when I so much as hear their voice. I'm not sure why this is. I don't like it. Sometimes I think about living in the woods if only I could find a proper place for that where it isn't directly next to someone's house. I want to run away. I want to waste away. I thought about deleting this instead of posting but whatever I'm just gonna leave it here and check to see what you guys make of this. But no pressure, no replies would be fine. They're still appreciated. Sorry if you went through the effort of reading my ramblings.