feeling so bad

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadcat, Sep 26, 2014.

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  1. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    my cancer meds have failed again, so I am feeling terribly bad
    i have to wait for another month to even see the doctor

    can't get any good help getting a sleep apnea machine, because they keep screwing up the tests
    already taken two tests and now they are saying i will need another two tests
    afraid my heart will fail again - i have been using a totally useless machine for so long (5 months)

    and that may have already happened (my heart failing)
    and may be why the cancer meds failed again,
    i may already be too weak to fight the cancer any longer .
    only see the cardiologist so infrequently now
    i feel so stressed out

    had a huge panic attack during the last sleep apnea test.
    the tech kept asking if i wanted him to call an ambulance
    i was getting chest pains
    but i kept saying no

    and one of my doctors told me i will be in so much more pan soon
    really wish he had not said that
    my pain level is already so high. do not want to be in pain
    i am so afraid.
    sometimes my pain gets so bad I get hysterical
    cannot stop crying now
    just thinking about it

    anyway - i have been trying to figure out how to end this
    to end the pain . to end all the pain. to end the tears.
    (this is not a poem - as someone once asked me)
    this is sadness
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 26, 2014
  2. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    Sending you all the love that's within my power to send :rainbow:
  3. Mel2809

    Mel2809 Active Member

    Sadcat: that is so much for one person to handle!! I'm sooo very sorry to hear that your cancer meds didn't work and of all your other very big struggles. Do you have family or friends that can at least be there with you? No one should have to go through all that alone. And in my humble opinion...your drs are asses!! They should be trying to do everything they can to make things easier for you not more complicated....
    I am sending up hugs and prayers your way sweetie.
  4. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    ((((((( Hugs ))))))
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Sadcat, thinking about you and sending some hugs. I know words can't fix what you're going through, and talking can't ease the pain. But here if there's anything at all I can do; you can contact me anytime.
  6. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    thank you frosty.
    thank you Mel2809
    thank you Pisces1
    thank you WildCherry
  7. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    no one talks to me anymore
    some fear the cancer.

    doesn't matter now
    i will find a way
    and that’s the end
    so good bye . are you glad to see me go?
    well that's what I believe -

    no more pain tonight
    no more stress
    darkness coming soon

    i went to a bereavement room
    they asked me why
    i just cried.
    I kept thinking of my wife alone here
    it made me so sad
    everyone was sad. i watched and cried.
    i could not stop thinking about how i was already gone
    and they were sad for me
    no - i was sad for me
    no one else is sad for me
  8. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    Sadcat, I read your post yesterday and just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about your. I realize at times we are hit with so much and it is overwhelming. Know that if you ever need an ear I will be here for you. There is a lot that I can say but for right now I will keep them to myself. Know that you are not alone. Please take gentle care of yourself. Sending you big hugs.
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