Feeling so demotivated.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Butterfly, Oct 25, 2012.

  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I really just wish people would stop ragging on me and giving me a hard time. I feel so demotivated today after an online counselling session I had this morning. I had been feeling a lot chirpier than I had been, and I was actually feeling pretty okay. The counsellor wanted to talk about what was going through my mind when I was going through my crisis, so I was open and honest and tolld him about my thoughts and my actions. This did not bother me as such, although he tried saying that how I felt about it all, especially in regards to reaching out to my fiance was probably not true and I only felt this way because I was feeling irrational in that moment. Well, no fucking shit Sherlock. I have no problems with my rational mind, it's my irrational mind I need help with which is why I am having sessions with you, you dufus! Then he asked me if I'd stuck to the next step of our crisis action plan (the first was to tell my fiance how I felt which went down like a lead balloon) and another point on the action plan was to go back to my GP. I told him that I had not done this, for several reasons but I told him that I had tried email the crisis team and received no reply and that I had tried to re arrange my psych appointment 1) because I could not make it on the date in November, 2) at the time I was in crisis and needed to be seen quicker. I was told by the psych secretary that the next available appointment was 6th December, even though I had said I was in crisis and needed to be seen quicker. She said it was either that appointment or nothing as there was nothing left till after Christmas, even with looking at different clinics I could be seen at. The online counsellor told me that it was upto me if I needed help and that I should go to the appointment I have on 1st November.

    WELL NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK I WOULD FUCKING GO YOU ALMIGHTY NUMPTY EXCEPT THE FACT I CANNOT GET TIME OFF WORK AND THE FACT THAT WORK IS ONE OF THE ONLY FUCKING THINGS THAT KEEPS ME SANE AND KEEPS ME GOING I AM NO JEOPARDISING THAT FOR NOBODY FOR FUCKSAKE. DOES ANYONE FUCKING LISTEN TO A SINGLE FUCKING WORD I SAY?!?!?!?!?!

    Arghhhhh.


    Needless to say, I signed off in a violent rage and locked myself in my bathroom in the quiet before I seriously lost my temper and stayed there for a good hour. I feel so flat and demotivated. I'm just sick of feeling like this, and the people who are supposed to help me are so disinterested it makes me not want to even try to get better. I'm so tired of feeling like this, being shoved from pillar to post by my state of mind. I just feel beaten and worn down and I'm really ready to just give up and let nature take its course. I won't last long in this world with my state of mind, just wish it would quicken the process :(
     
  2. midnightstar

    midnightstar Senior Member

    Butterfly I'm sorry to hear you're having a tough time :hug: The so-called "professionals" don't seem to have much of a clue what the real world's like :hug: