feeling so detached

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cpt-Fantastic, Jan 12, 2011.

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  1. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    i feel so detached from other people, i cant seem to have a normal conversation or a conversation at all, i just dont know what to say and just sit there, also that connection from human to human that i used to have like when you talk with someone you get attached or i dont know how to explain it but i havent had that in a long while and i have that with several people most of the people i spoke with actually so it cant be them, it must be me. and im poor i really miss having money, it was the only reason for me to feel value, i might not have friends i might not have sex i might be fat, but at least i have money. now i have nothing, im in debt i have no education i have nothing. i now understand the appeal of drugs and alcohol. suicide is difficult for me its the endstation its not something along the way i can later regret, i cant prepare myself for suicide i will just do it, i have been averting it for quite some time alot of times i stood next to the railroadtracks, times when i had overdose at hand, or tied a noose but i couldnt had to think back about what if this what if that but im losing the hope, its not a matter of if ill kill myself more like when the bucket has overflowed. im losing control and have nowhere to go, i tried the medical side, i cant tell anyone i know, and i have no reason to cause im not worth shit anymore. ill max out my credit cards to buy all the alcohol i can get and plan to become an alcohol. i just want to sleep and if i wake up drink enough so i can sleep again, i dont see the point, im already among a living dead why not join the in-crowd and go the extra mile and just kill myself to be among the real dead. i wrote too much but fuck it, i have no clue anymore. i make mistakes all the time everytime i do something i always fuck up. i do nothing good anymore. i know of nothing anymore what can i do, fuck it im gonna drink my brain away so i wont have to think about this hellhole im in, i hope you guys (edit: and girls ofcourse) have better lives out there
  2. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Hi Lullo, I think you will only make your problem worse by becoming an alcoholic. It will affect your personality, and soon you will be a slave to the alcohol. It will be dying a slow torturous death. filled with shame and humiliation almost every step of the way. If you have a job or get a job in he near future, it will affect your performance, and maybe, you'll get fired. If you manage to get someone you are interested in, it will come between you two.
    You will get cirrhosis of the liver, and many times the liver never rejuvenate. It is a very painful way to go. You'll collapse all over the place and people will treat you badly.
    You'll always be in a hangover or drinking to escape a problem that will only escalate. So, don't choose that route.

    Best find a group that have similar health interest to you, or even a support group, where you can meet weekly, and make friends. Join a group that can give you meaningful friendships. There are shy people in most every group who will like the opportunity for someone to approach them and maker them feel comfortable. I'm sure you can start with them if you feel uneasy meeting new people.
  3. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    but when i get drunk i get active, im talkative, im happy, i get along with people. its like my brain gets a dose of happiness and concentrationboost. i sometimes think what if i had ritalin and xanax, could i not need alcohol
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 12, 2011
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    you say that you tried the medical side, can you say more?
  5. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    i went to the gp and he sent me to a local mental health hospital, i was put on a waiting list (this was februari 2010) i then heard they had no spot for me. so i was sent on the waiting list to another mental health hospital (this was june 2010) then in november 2010 i had my first appointment with the psychologist, then in december had 1 appointment with the psychiater and i havent heard from them since. ive been waiting for a year now and still absolutely no help from them, only bills. im just so frustrated, i make fights with everyone now, i cant stand it anymore. thinking about od'ing
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think that things can get better for you if you get the medical treatment that you need. the system isn't working for you the way it's supposed to.

    can you contact your doctors and find out if they are planning treatment for you? they should tell you if they have more appointments scheduled for you, or if they have a prescription or other treatment plan for you.

    is there a relative or someone who can help you navigate through the medical system?

    they really should give you a definite answer about what to do next in the process.

    maybe you could explain to your gp that they have left you stranded?

    you can also try contacting

    National Alliance on Mental Illness
    Phone: 800.950.NAMI (800.950.6264)
    Who They Help: Individuals, families, professionals

    I don't know if they can help, but it might be worth a try.

    also this is a link to state mental health services

  7. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    i should edit my previous post, apparantly 2 months ago at the psychologist i made 2 appointments and forgot i had one on the 12th, i got a reminder on the 11th on my cellphone, but my text-inbox was full and i emptied it just now, and now i missed the appointment, im such a failure that sort of thing happens to me all the time im always late, or miss appointments or dont have stuff in order. but on the flipside, i seem happy, i seem pretty outrageous my libido is out of hand, which could be a good thing but im not sure, if i had to describe it i would have to say that right now im manic, but im sure the depression will pop back soon. probably within an hour or so, i sure hope something changes quickly, thanks for your post i will look into the mental health things but the thing is its a big step for me, to be frank it was a big step to go to the psychologist office firstly to get diagnosed with add and when i did that i noticed that nothing changed. the thing changed was that suddenly everyone seemed to know i had add and that i was seeking treatment, how i have no clue. im such an idiot. i cant keep nothing to myself must have lost a note somewhere or got mail fromt he mental hospital. it just sucks the only friend i have left or the only friend i can trust is my dog and the only softener i have is alcohol, fuck.
  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think you can get a lot better if you get treatment

    have you rescheduled your appointment?

    maybe you could get a wall calendar and mark your appointments on it

    also you could get a card from them when you make your appointment

    and keeping your inbox clear would help

    is there a relative or someone who could help remind you of your appointments?

    please don't become an alcoholic!
  9. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    found out on saturday so couldnt call them, but ill do it on monday. i hope that will help me with the moodswings and the add. now only the debts i need to find a way out of. i feel great at the moment, my mood is such a rollercoaster, im just waiting for the crash. there hasnt been any great changes since my last depression thoughts so it must be emotional why im feeling great, man this forum. life-saving
  10. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    have you been diagnosed as bipolar? rapid cycling bipolar sounds alot like what you are describing, rapid swings between manic and depressive moods. you should start keeping a mood journal and take it with you to you next appointment. that will help them diagnose you.
  11. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    ^ ^agree

    good post dazzle!
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