Feeling so low

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Lady Wolfshead, Jan 6, 2014.

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  1. Hi all.

    I've struggled with depression for many years and still fighting what seems like a losing battle. I only stick around for my husband and our beloved "fur-babies," our cats. I've had a lot of suicidal ideation lately. So many bad things have happened over the last few years - I dislike my job but am trapped because it pays fairly well and we have massive debts (student loans etc), husband is disabled and unemployed. I hope we won't have to declare bankruptcy but we may be forced to and lose our home. It's so hard to take it one day at a time.

    The worst thing is that most of our family are not supportive and judge us for our misfortunes. Our few friends are kind, but they don't really understand the issues we have faced, and we know nobody else who has dealt with long-term poverty, with health and mental health problems. It may sound like we've been irresponsible, but we haven't - we've made regular loan payments and paid back more than 25K of our student loans, and put any small windfalls towards debt rather than spending on vacations or other things.

    I had dreams once. It makes me so sad to remember the hopes and optimism I had. My husband is my true love but sometimes I wish we hadn't married because I've had to support him financially through most of our years together, and most of our student loan debt is from his education. We never had kids because we were poor and his disability is hereditary. He has applied for pension disability now but it won't be much due to his sporadic work history. Still, it would help us keep our home if he gets it.

    Wow, I sound so pathetic. If you can think of anything encouraging or kind to say, I would be grateful. Things seem so hopeless.

    :cats009:
     
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I just wanted to say that I have deep respect and admiration for the way in which you've led your life. I wish I could be one-tenth of what you are. Some days, I can barely summon the courage to cross the street. I think about someone like you, and how you've sacrificed, and put myself in that situation...it's remarkable to know how proud I would be of me!
     
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    thanks for sharing. You're not alone just to let you know some of the situation details you mentioned rings true with me,

    There are options if you don't want to lose your home. have you talked to a counselor as there are financial counselor that might help you get the resources you need to get those loans dealt with?
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Keep the house - have him default on on his student loans and then do not apply for joint credit anymore. Unless you live in 2 states will not be an issue. They can sue him for the student loans but they cannot garnish his income based on them if it is below a certain amount or touch his disability if and when it goes through. If the home is in both names then take his name off from the title deed - this can be done with no problem using a method call "Quit Claim Deed" which should cost less than $200 to file - likely less than a single student loan payment. There is no debtors prison - nothing will happen and a single letter will make it so they cannot even call anymore. You will want to take his name of title/deed to home so they cannot put a lien on your home. Virtually the same applies to any debts just in your husbands name. No sense in being concerned about his credit rating as with no income will not be able to get credit anyway. There are many many other things you can do as well depending on the situation. Feel free to PM and I can share a few other ways , depending on the details of your situation. It is relatively easy to make all the phone calls stop and to stop trying to pay debts that will never get paid anyway, without the expense of bankruptcy that really does little good anymore.
     
  5. Unfortunately most of our debt is now part of a joint consolidation loan, and our mortgage is joint. We got them when my husband had a steady job, which he had to quit when the duties of his job changed and his disability prevented him from doing them (he worked for a non-profit so they were exempted from the requirement to accommodate him--yeah, nice, I know. He got unemployment for a while but it has run out). I do plan to seek advice from a free credit counselling plan here, to see if there's anything we can do. Our apartment isn't worth more than our mortgage at present (maybe a few K), and is with a different bank than the one that holds our consolidation loan, so I'm hoping that will help, if it comes to that. What I'm really hoping is that we can somehow scrape by a few more years until we can sell the place at a small profit and pay what would then remain of the consolidation loan. It just seems like a looooong few years ahead. It's very hard to work full-time and never be able to afford anything.

    Thanks for the information and I may PM you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 6, 2014
  6. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    Hello and wanted to welcome you to the forum. I've never had to deal with house debts before cause I still live with my parents, but it must be extremely hard for you. Hopefully you'll be able to find a solution on how to help you're situation and I wish you all the best. This is a very supportive place and I'm sure you'll find people on here who you can relate with.
     
  7. This really means a lot to me and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much! Nobody actually seems to empathize much with me - my husband is very charismatic, more educated (when he has been employed he had a higher-status job than me although not well paid), and now that I've gained weight he is thinner and more attractive. Most people just seem to think that I'm lucky to have him - which is true but they don't know the financial details. In my city, slim and attractive women are highly available - but only to men who have good jobs. I know it sounds stupid and I've never had any doubts of his fidelity or his love, but it somehow makes everything worse for me to feel unattractive and poorly dressed in a city with so many beauties, and feel that people are wondering why he's with me. At times I feel like he'd be better off with me dead, as he could collect welfare disability which is pretty good here. I know it would devastate him, though. And I should add that he himself is extremely grateful for my support and feels terrible about not having an income, and made himself ill trying to work at a job he could no longer physically do. But this also means I feel like I can never share how heavy a burden I feel, because he feels bad enough even though that's not my intention.
     
  8. Thanks. I just made an appointment today, so I hope we will get some good suggestions.
     
  9. Thanks a lot. It really sucks but it's nice to be able to talk about it in a non-judgmental place.
     
  10. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Don't think like that! It isn't true. That just your depression talking to you. I've heard people say that about places like L.A. I'm sure your husband love you. You for you. I could also feel like this. But even if I was a model, there's always going to be somebody else that's more attractive, so try not to let those thoughts enter your mind.
     
  11. Thanks.
     
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