Feeling so small

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by NoMoneyToPlease, Nov 22, 2010.

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  1. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Feeling so insignificant and powerless.My life is in ruins,I am suffering so badly with mental illness that I cannot even make a short walk to visit my nieces.This hurts so much as I was there for them from the moment they were born and I helped raise them.it was a joy,they were lovely babies.They are eighteen years old now and for the past three years I have been too ill to be a part of their lives,it hurts how much I have let them down,they do not deserve to be neglected.
    I have also become involved with a string of individuals who wish to have my friendship when it suits them but come the hard times or times when I need them to be there they vanish completely or choose to be around "fun" people.This would not hurt so much if I had not made room in my life to accommodate them and be there for them when they were down only to be given little worth and status or be made aware that I am not worth the effort of returning any kind of recognition or warm feelings.
    Bottom line is I feel so small and worthless that it is hard to see if I have a useful future.
    It would do me good to not be an embarrassment to my nieces,they have had a tough life,their father does not recognise them,they do not need any more reason to be set apart from their peers.
    I cannot find a friend,i am scared to try,it so frightening to think about carrying on.I feel it is time to stop.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 22, 2010
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Really sorry you're going through so much. :hug: You deserve better friends, people who will be there for you when you need them, not just when they want something. I hope you can find people to talk to here, and if you feel like talking, my PM box is always open.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I know how you feel about not being to leave the house..And not having friends.. The only friends I have are the ones I have from the forum..I have a fear of people..I hope one day you will be able to step back into your neices lives..Take Care and welcome to the forum..
  4. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Thank you for being here.
  5. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Thank you stranger1.
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    How do you know that your nieces don't want you to be a part of their lives?

    I guess if they said so, but maybe they still love you.

    Maybe you could write them a letter, explain that you love them, but you feel like they wouldn't want you to be part of their lives because of your mental illness.

    It would be nice to give them a chance to care about you, because maybe they do!

    Oh, and about the friends. I know how this goes. People can just be really selfish sometimes. You can find good friends that can give back too, but they can be hard to find sometimes.

    I hope that you feel better soon, and I wish good things for you!

    :stars: :stars: :stars:
  7. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Hi May71.I am sorry I did not explain the situation properly,my nieces do love me,there is no rejection from them.I just could not take the guilt of letting them down by disappearing from their lives because I have failed to properly deal with mental illness.It was guilt and regret for not being there for them when I could have been,it just became too heavy to deal with on that particular day.
    As for my once friends,they are not remembered in fondness,they only seem to show up in the mental as negatively as they did in the flesh.
    Acupuncture sounds like a good idea,freeing up the bodies energy channels is a must for a healthy life.
    Thank you for caring,if you ever need someone to lean on do not hesitate to lean my way.I will keep an eye out to make sure you are fine when I visit. :)
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i am glad you have your nieces in your life and they are lucky to have you.
    They are old enough now to understand that sometimes it will be difficult for you to reach out. I hope you can spend more time with them as they will fill that void in your life. Keep venting here okay you are not alone now you have all of us to talk to you
  9. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Thank you Violet,it is so important to have people like you in this world,people who care because they know how to.
  10. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    You are never alone friend, and there is hope and relief from you illnesses I have found it through prayer and faith that it will be answered. Call me crazy, but no one can truly deny what I say unless they give it a try. I am sure your family still loves you, that is what family is for. Never give up hope! You can give up the failing ways that you have been using to deal with these issues. You can always seek out spiritual enlightenment from the source. I have and I am healed through and through. I am also blessed with understanding and insight about everything that has happened to me in the past to everything I will endure in the future. Life is no longer a mystery. HalleluYah!
  11. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Thank you daphna.I am not religious myself but,I do find that I take great comfort from those who preach the word of the lord with all the love in their heart and none of the judgment from their head.

    Your faith is not only a gift to yourself but to others as well. :)
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