Feeling so insignificant and powerless.My life is in ruins,I am suffering so badly with mental illness that I cannot even make a short walk to visit my nieces.This hurts so much as I was there for them from the moment they were born and I helped raise them.it was a joy,they were lovely babies.They are eighteen years old now and for the past three years I have been too ill to be a part of their lives,it hurts how much I have let them down,they do not deserve to be neglected. I have also become involved with a string of individuals who wish to have my friendship when it suits them but come the hard times or times when I need them to be there they vanish completely or choose to be around "fun" people.This would not hurt so much if I had not made room in my life to accommodate them and be there for them when they were down only to be given little worth and status or be made aware that I am not worth the effort of returning any kind of recognition or warm feelings. Bottom line is I feel so small and worthless that it is hard to see if I have a useful future. It would do me good to not be an embarrassment to my nieces,they have had a tough life,their father does not recognise them,they do not need any more reason to be set apart from their peers. I cannot find a friend,i am scared to try,it so frightening to think about carrying on.I feel it is time to stop.