So where to start? I don't even know! I guess what's brought me here is a break-up, it's really cliche I know but that on top of everything else is too much and I don't know who to talk to. The one person I want to talk to about how I'm feeling I can't, she's no longer around as of last night and the last fight we'll ever have and even if she was still around I couldn't tell her because I wouldn't want to make her feel guilty for having a part to play in my downfall. She doesn't deserve that. To get to the start I'd like to say that since leaving school in 1999 I've always lacked direction in life, I ended up in a dead-end job, the last place I wanted to be. Got myself into debt when I turned 18 and that's when feelings of not wanting to be here anymore started. I should have been enjoying life but I was a social recluse. I had the internet, music and self-harm and no bright rosey future to look to beyond me and my room. So I guess it's snowballed since there really, quite a few destructive relationships later and I'm here, jobless, living alone, £10,000 and rising debt that I can't pay and friends and family that I don't want to tell how I feel because I'm enough of a burden for myself let alone someone else. And to top it all off the one good thing I had this year I pushed away to the point she no longer want's to know. I was destructive to the point of making her feel like rubbish because that's how I feel. Why should she feel good being with me when I don't even feel good being me? I honestly don't see any other way out, I'm not living anyway, I'm existing, that's it. I don't fear death and that scares me a lot. There are more small details to my story that I could cover but don't quite know how to get them across without sounding pathetic. Really don't know what to do, just want this pain and suffering to go and don't know how to do it. I just don't enjoy anything anymore and that scares me too. Help.