feeling strange

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by illtronic, Jan 2, 2015.

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  1. illtronic

    illtronic New Member

    Last week i tried to kill myself <mod edit - methods>, all i remember is vomiting all over my car than waking up in a parking lot about 15 miles from my house. Ever since than all i think about now is dieing, <mod edit - methods> and i just want to end it. Things are going well but all i think about is <methods> myself. I cant afford a doctor and im drowning in the air around me. How do i deal with this? part of me is happy and has plans for the future the other half is full of hate and wants to destroy everything. I was committed to a psych ward but the experience freaked me out and i lied to get out of there, yet i could have helped myself in the long .... I can barely sleep all my dreams turned to nightmares and it leaves me feeling negative.Every time i get a flashback to my suicide attempts, i feel terrible and it feels it motivates me to try again.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2015
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I have been here 7 years and that's the first time I have ever heard this statement. I feel really sorry for you. Is there anyone around you that could help you pay for medical help or even counseling?

    It always amazes me how many people lie to get out of psych wards (I have done it myself), it's amazing as they are supposed to be trained in that aspect.
    As for attempts motivating you, I think you definitely do need professional help, you have peer to peer support here and I think you are doing a great job trying to get help here. If you ever need to talk to send me a private message.

    There is also a chat room here with many like minded people, I wish you the best of luck and welcome :)
  3. illtronic

    illtronic New Member

    The main problem is my suicidal actions come out of impulse and I'm scared that I'm going to kill myself in a blackout, whenever i go into a public setting i just want to **** people and kill myself, its making me even more depressed that i have to fight these feelings and all i want to do is move forward and live my own life. Last year i had over 8 jobs and kicked out of 3 houses due to my mental state. I have psychotic episodes and they almost killed me last week, im trying so hard to move on but this shit keeps me back...
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 3, 2015
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    call your doctor a crisis line get back into hospital and get on medication that will stop these psychotic episodes
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