Last week i tried to kill myself <mod edit - methods>, all i remember is vomiting all over my car than waking up in a parking lot about 15 miles from my house. Ever since than all i think about now is dieing, <mod edit - methods> and i just want to end it. Things are going well but all i think about is <methods> myself. I cant afford a doctor and im drowning in the air around me. How do i deal with this? part of me is happy and has plans for the future the other half is full of hate and wants to destroy everything. I was committed to a psych ward but the experience freaked me out and i lied to get out of there, yet i could have helped myself in the long .... I can barely sleep all my dreams turned to nightmares and it leaves me feeling negative.Every time i get a flashback to my suicide attempts, i feel terrible and it feels it motivates me to try again.