So I was discharged from hospital after a suicide attempt a few days ago. This wasn't the first time I have tried unsuccessfully or been hospitalised for suicide and self harm issues. The last couple of times I tried I planned it so carefully I knew exactly what I needed to do and when to so it in order to be successful (but it never was) however this time was different. Although my depression and various other mental health issues have got really out of hand and uncontrollable lately I didn't have an exact plan to end it, I mean I had thought about it I always do but I had not made specific arrangements this time. After a typical day of crying and thinking about how miserable I am I decided to have a couple of drinks to ease the pain because it usually helps... Anyway, long story short, I was very very drunk and saw an opportunity to end it. I took all of the antidepressents I had left plus my friends sleeping pills from the bathroom cabinet and washed them down with more alcohol. Just in case this wasn't to work I also cut a little deeper than usual. I remember going to lay down and expecting to fall asleep and not wake up. I don't remember much after this... The next thing I knew I was in hospital, a pretty familiar place for me but I was scared and confused. I don't know how it didn't work. I can't understand why god can't rid me of my pain and just let me die :'( I was in hospital for almost a week I think it's still kind of blurry but I had lots of appointments with doctors, psychairists and other people it was kind of good to get some stuff that makes me feel so sad off my chest but it also really upset me. Explaining the same thing to different people so many times was hard because it made me so upset each time and left me feeling worse. While I was there they changed my medication as my other one was making matters worse and taught me some coping strategies that don't really work for me so yeah I feel like attempting got me nowhere and just left me worse off than before... And to make matters worse my extremely abusive parents found out which is the last thing I need. Although I no longer live with them they still make my life harder. Even though I know how much worse attempting suicide made my situation I can't help but think about "checking out early". I wouldn't try again unless I knew it would certainly work and I don't really have access to anything that would put me in that position so yeah I feel stuck and I don't think things can get better... I mean I can hope and everything but at the end of the day it doesn't matter anyway :/ Sorry for the mad long post I've been thinking about this so much and felt like getting a small part of it off my chest, I haven't really told anyone about my feelings after it, just trying to keep myself out of the psych ward.