Feeling suicidal again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Endlessagony, Dec 22, 2011.

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  1. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Well-Known Member

    But this time it's different, I don't feel like I'm in a lot of pain right now. Actually I was fine a while ago but I've now been sitting home alone as everyone has gone to celebrate christmas with their loved ones. I guess it has just reminded me how worthless and unwanted I am. Right now it feels it doesn't matter if I live or die. I'm not planning on doing it just yet but it feels pretty pointless to go on. I've been drinking pretty much every day instead. I know that it doesn't help but I don't care, I just seek that blissful numbness that alcohol can provide me. All this time I've been sort of living in the illusion that I will find love and happiness again but it doesn't seem very likely. I can't get over this apathy and depression, and I know no one will want to be with me when I'm in this state. So I'm just gonna let everything slide right now, at least I can get some enjoyment out of being drunk. I'm not a cynical person inside but I know my depression shows clearly on the outside.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    The holidays surely do have this effect on many...is there a professional you can consult with and tell him/her what is going on for you? Many there are more effective ways to medicate other than drinking...please keep in touch during these difficult times and know there are many people here to support and care about you...PM me if I can help
     
  3. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Well-Known Member

    Thank you, I'm seeing my shrink next time on the third of January. Not really much hope to see anyone before that, everything's super crowded right now. I've tried different meds but I hate to say it that alcohol makes me feel the best of them. I'm hanging on though, things just seem so pointless. I think I have serious abandonment issues, whenever I'm ignored it hurts like hell. Still I'm a rational man and understand why it is so but I can't control my emotions.
     
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